Emily Wedick and Louise

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Emily Weddick and her friend Louise are advertising account managers at Main Media Collective. They are both supporting their children through transitioning, and both have been involved in creating resources for parents and transgendered children going through the process of transitioning. Thanks for coming in today.

Louise:

Thank you for having us.

Emily Wedick:

Thank you.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

This is a very interesting time for both of you because each of you has other children at the same time. You've been parenting for how many years now? Louise?

Louise:

I have identical twins that are five and a half. So yeah, it's been very interesting, especially with them being identical twins and one being transgender at such a young age and the other one cisgender. And that's another piece of terminology that I didn't know about, I learned about. And that's just the opposite of trans. You're cis, I'm cisgender. And yeah, so.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

So it means that you identify with the body that you are born into.

Louise:

Exactly, exactly.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

So that would be cis and trans would be that the body that you were born into doesn't feel like it fits your identity.

Louise:

Right? Exactly. Yeah. And we noticed that early on. I don't know. Do you want me to. Would you like to tell about how old your kids are and stuff?

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Yeah.

Louise:

And Then we can get into our stories.

Emily Wedick:

Sure. So my oldest child is 6 and I have a 4 year old as well. My 6 year old is my child who is transgender. When she was born, we identified her as male, but she let us know quite quickly from the age of two, started giving us signals that it took quite a while to, to pick up on that she did not identify as male. So interestingly, also going through this process with, as a first time parent because it, you know, she was my first born child and then I have a 4 year old daughter as well.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

How does one pick up on a two year old feeling not right with their body?

Emily Wedick:

Well, it's interesting, you know, the research has shown or experts in child development say that it is around, you know, the age of two or three that we start to develop a sense of gender identity. When you can, when a child can articulate, you know, whether they're a girl or a boy and sort of have a sense of what that means in a social context. And, you know, we don't question if, if someone asks you, are you a girl, for example, as a cisgender person who identifies with the, the body they were born into and the gender that they were labeled. As a child, we don't question, why, why are you a girl? Why do you feel like a girl? Well, I just am. And you know, with a transgender child, it's a very similar experience. Experience. You know, my child had what we would typically think of as a boy's body. You know, we gave her a traditionally male name and she was dressed in clothing that we would associate with, you know, that I bought from the boys section at children's clothing stores. And very quickly she started to show through certain ways of expression. Often one of the first things that children will do is start to reject the clothing that's associated with that gender. So my child started asking for dresses because I had had my daughter, my second child, around that time as well. Hand me downs were starting to flood the house from friends with dresses for my new baby girl to grow into. And my 2 year old at the time would say, well, is this for me? And we'd say, no, this is for your sister. And my 2 year old would say, no for me and become very insistent and seemed very disappointed. So at some point, after persistent asking about dresses, her father and I decided, well, why not let this child wear a dress? In my mind, it seemed more like a creative expression, maybe kind of like playing dress up. She would have on her dinosaur T shirt and cargo pants and I would put the dress over it and send my child on their way. And at the time, all of these signs sort of add up over time. When I look back at photographs now of the time period between about two and a half and three, I noticed that almost every photograph, my child, who at the time we knew as a boy, is in a dress. So it's those sorts of signs. And then we can talk about what that looks like as the child gets older and how they start to become persistent and send messages in other ways.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Louise, what did you notice about your son, Joe?

Louise:

Well, yeah, it's interesting. It was right around the same kind of timing. Looking back, we could notice signs at 2 years old. And so both of my children, identical, were born as female, but Joe identifies as male. And we could, looking back, we could see kind of his stance and, like, I don't know, just little things that you could see. But then at three years old, it started with the clothes. So I used to dress them, of course, exactly alike, you know, and it was, you know, tutus and everything. And I had identical girls, and, you know, I wanted them to be exactly alike. And I just thought it was the cutest little thing. But Joe was having no part of that, though. And every time we'd go to the store, you know, he wanted to go into the boys section, and I would even. I would look for, like, gender neutral clothes and, like, take something from the girls section and put it in the boys section and just say, hey, Joe, what do you think about this? And, yeah, well, as long as it came out of the boys section, then that was okay. And so we did that. But these were, like, just little signs. And I thought, well, with identical twins, and of course, this is my first time being a mom, I was thinking, oh, you know, maybe they're just trying to find their own. Their own way, and maybe one's little tomboyish, you know, who knows? But, you know, he can dress his own way. And then. So it wasn't very long that they could dress alike. And the things that he did, like, were like the ultimate boy stuff. It was like the camo pants, and it was the ninja turtle shirt, and it was, you know, those were the things. And. And didn't even want pink things to touch him or anything like that. Anything that kind of resembled a girl. Yeah. So there was one instance with my husband where he was laying on the grass and had our two girls at the time laying there, and they were looking up at the sky, and they. There was somebody building a house next door, and they were Asking, oh, you know, who. Who. How, dad, how did they build that house? And. And my husband said, well, there's builders that do that, and they, you know, cut down the trees, and, you know, this is how they build a house. And. And Joe, at the time Anna was looking at the sky. They were both looking at the sky and said, well, dad, who makes the clouds in the sky? And we're not a hugely religious family, but we do believe in a higher power. And he said, well, that would be God. And this was at 3. Joe said at the time, anna, so God put me in the wrong body. And my husband was, like, just taking it in and said, no, you know, didn't really know how to answer that. And so those were the kind of things that we just took in, you know, those sorts of things. And as it got further along, Joe would say things like, I'm a boy, and the only one who believes me is my twin sister. And so we'd ask Carla, Carla, what do you think? And Carla would be like, mom, yes, Joe's a boy. You know, so, you know, those are some major points, and I'm glad that

Emily Wedick:

Louise is speaking to some of those kind of anecdotes as well, because I think, you know, obviously, one of the first ways that kids will start to express their identity is through their clothing and what they wear. But it does extend beyond that. And I want to be careful, too, because it's very typical for preschoolers, you know, children between the ages of 2 and 5 to play dress up and experiment. So, you know, parents shouldn't be concerned if a male child wants to put on an Elsa dress and be a princess. That's very typical. But where you start to kind of understand that maybe something deeper is happening is you know, where you see that consistency. And, you know, what we've learned along the way from child development experts and doctors and psychologists is, you know, that the hallmark of a child being transgender is that they are consistent, persistent, and insistent. And so, you know, all of the stories that we are sharing are sort of, you know, mile markers or things that happened along the way on a. On a longer journey, you know, with our children sort of doing everything in their power to consistently, insistently and persistently kind of wave their arms and say, mom, you know, look, this. This is me. This is who I am. And it goes. It extends a lot further than the clothing, you know, that they wear.

Louise:

Yeah, yeah. I mean, and, like, with Joe, it was very wanted to have a boy's cut, a boy's haircut, boy's haircut, you know, and had the same haircut, you know, as a sister, let it grow out, long, whatever. And so getting that first haircut, I mean, we already let him dress the way he had wanted to, but seeing him cut just like he wanted, very short, just like a boy, because he really wants to see, but to see it unfold in, see himself in the mirror, he could see his external match, who he felt internally. And that was just amazing as a mom to see that, to know that your child is so happy with who they see in, in the mirror. And that was another moment, I think.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Did either one of you experience

Emily Wedick:

anxiety

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

coming from your children or were their behavior changes? Did they feel depressed? I mean, some people believe that maybe kids are too little to actually feel anxious or depressed, but I'm not sure that's true. And I'm wondering how this impacted your families.

Louise:

Yeah. Did you experience much of that?

Emily Wedick:

I did. You know, it's, it, it's hard, it's tough with children because they have such big emotions and right to try to always decipher, know how to express themselves. So sometimes it's very hard to tease out what's sort of like developmentally typical and you know, what is kind of more on the extreme end of things

Louise:

and then what's a tantrum and what is, what is something trans related or you know, getting out anxiety or what is just a normal kid's tantrum?

Emily Wedick:

I would say like the way that I with my child saw things progressing was a lot of anxiety around going to school. Whereas, you know, at earlier ages this was a child who loved daycare, who thrived, who loved preschool, who was excited about going to school every day, who easily make friends, who is very outgoing and confident, who began to suddenly get very upset before going to school, become very clingy, develop separation anxiety that had, you know, not previously been there and then slowly started to be able to articulate in words, you know, I can't wear a dress to school because the boys will laugh at me, the other boys will laugh at me. And so it's, you know, it's incredible. I would say this is around the age of four or four and a half. Around that time when I think kids start to understand, have a social awareness of what certain norms are with their peers. And you know, of course we're learning now that, you know, gender can be a very creative spectrum and that there are children who are male, who will always identify as male, who are not trans, who may enjoy, you know, nail polish or things we typically Associate with feminine. But. But at that age, it's very black and white. And children often organize themselves, boys team, girls team. And suddenly my child didn't know where they fit and started to become self conscious and develop almost a sense of shame, is how I perceived it. And so suddenly we were battling to go to school every day. And finally my child looked at me and just said, when it's summer and the school year ends, I'm going to grow my hair long, I'm going to wear it in braids, I'm going to wear dresses every day, and I'm going to be a girl. And, you know, that's who I am. And it kind of became, at that point, it was a freight train that was running. And either her father and I were going to get on it and be supportive and start to understand what she was going through and experiencing and how we could be the best parents that we could be, or, you know, it was going to run away without us. And so I think that as you talk to parents with who have kids who come out at a very young age, there are a lot of these sort of seminal moments that we all experience where we realize this is happening

Louise:

and it happens all of a sudden. Yeah, like a freight train.

Emily Wedick:

I like it or not.

Louise:

You see these little pieces that are determining things, but then all of a sudden they're ready and they're telling you. Joe felt a lot of anxiety and stress after he got his hair cut because we hadn't come out to the class yet. And it was the weekend, Sunday night, and he was going to be going into school the next day. And the night before that Sunday night, he was worried, what if the kids still don't believe I'm a boy, even with his haircut? And he started saying that his throat was hurting him and, like, burning. And I didn't know if it was something physical. I took him to the emergency room and come to find out it was all just, you know, just very nervous energy about all that. And that was one of the times. And then another time was when, you know, the teachers started to notice where. And the kids too. Which line was he gonna get into for the bathroom? Was it gonna be the boys line or the girls line? And they started to name off all the boys and then they'd put Joe, and then they'd start off the girls. And he came home that day and he was so excited that he was at the end of the boys line. So that was when we were just like, okay, this is it. We need to talk to the teachers, we need to start making this. This change. And he was so happy about it.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

You both met through a playgroup that you, Emily, had put together for parents and children who were transitioning this way. And from what I understand, this was very helpful.

Emily Wedick:

So I had, through sort of chance, met another mother in Southern Maine who had a. Then also four and a half, five year old child who had, you know, had come out as a transgender girl, meaning they thought she was a boy. When she was born, she came out as a girl. And so we got together and had a play date together and sort of started kind of brainstorming and talking about how there are quite a few, you know, a number of resources that we can also share with this audience for transgender adults and for transgender youth, but those tend to be geared a lot more toward older youth, teens. And we found that there wasn't a lot to support families with younger children. And what we wanted to do was not really have sort of a formalized support group or something really clinical. We just wanted a safe space for families to get together, for parents to be able to kind of share experiences and for the kids to. To be able to just play and have a very normalized experience and understand that there are other children like them, because it's so important. We know that it's important for children to have dolls that represent their skin color or their hair type or whatever it is. Children love to see themselves and know that they're okay and know that to feel special and to feel okay and to not feel other than or feel so different. And so we thought this would be a good opportunity for kids to just kind of know that there are many children like them. And to put that in context, there is a private Facebook group for parents of transgender children that is actually an international group. And I think at this point, it has over 5,000 members.

Louise:

It's huge.

Emily Wedick:

And if you think about it, that includes parents who are actively seeking out resources to support their children. It's a most likely a fraction of the number of children who are transgender. And so there. There are a lot of us. And so our group has sort of organically been growing. I would say there are probably about 15 families now who have joined us in the Southern Maine area. And one of the things that we did was we provided information about our group at. There is, through Maine Medical Center, a pediatric gender clinic. And that provides some context as well, an indication of, you know, I guess, the need for these services. So that's where we've shared some information as well. As through my pediatrician's office. And we can certainly provide resources

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

to

Emily Wedick:

connect other families who might be interested.

Louise:

Yes, we're happy to do that. The trans youth group that I go to that Emily started is just amazing. It's been such a great resource for us. The bonds that we've made with the parents, the kids all running around, whether it be the siblings or the gender non conforming kids, you don't even know who's who and nobody cares. And they're just running around in packs. And us as parents being able to talk about things that are unfolding with our young children. And if we've had any experience, and some of most of them are very similar experiences, and it is great for us to have that community of people so our kids don't feel different. You know, they feel like they belong and they're having a strong sense early on of being themselves. And I think that that's what's important because for transgender people who are not supported, the. I hate bringing up this because it really, it hurts me as a parent that there's. It's a 41% suicide rate. And that's for people who are not supported. When they are supported, that drops down like tremendously. So I know that with the group that we're, that we're together with, our kids are gonna thrive, they're gonna survive, they're gonna do great things. And so, yeah, I wanna thank Emily and her friend for starting that. And it just keeps growing and we would love for it to grow and to continue to grow. And so, yeah, if you would like to hear more about the group or talk to Emily or myself, we do have an email address that you could email us at. It's Trans Kids Main me, so I'll spell it out. T R A N S K I d s me mail.com and so just write to us and we'd love to talk to you.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Well, I really appreciate your taking the time to come in and talk today because I think this is something that many people are working through right now and don't necessarily know what the resources are. And this is a good way for them to connect with people who have been through similar experiences. I've been speaking with Emily Wetick and her friend Louise, who are advertising account managers at Maine Media Collective. They are both supporting their children through transitioning and both have been involved in creating resources for parents and and transgendered children going through the process of transitioning. Thank you so much for what you are doing and for coming in and being willing to share your stories.

Emily Wedick:

Thank you so much for having us.

Louise:

Yes, thank you so much.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

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