Family Adventures, #103

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There's always a transition, no matter what, with anything, with everything, with them, with us. So I mean when you move from one way of life to another, you always we just maybe have more transition times that we're dealing with than maybe the average person.

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Our transitions are bigger, they're more dramatic, they're more emotional, but I think in a way there are fewer of them. Over the course of a 12 month year.

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This adventure that we were going on was going to be the education for the next six to eight months. You know, the only way to get an experience like that is to do what we did. We just focused on the adventure every day.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

This is Dr. Lisa Belisle and you are listening to the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour and podcast show number 103, airing for the first time on Sunday, September 1, 2013. Today's show is about family adventures. Some families take the notion of a shared adventure to a whole new level. Meet the Bolland Swords and the Morrises, two families that have made the conscious decision to spend months together in unfamiliar countries and uncharted waters and have learned much about the world and one another in the process. I love adventuring with my family, whether it is climbing the trails of Acadia with my daughters or exploring the gritty urban streets of Guatemala City with my son, I relish the opportunity to experience new settings with my kids. Taken out of our natural habitat, we can't help but learn more about ourselves and one another. Recently, while on vacation, I woke early to take sunrise photographs with my traveling companion and his sons. Our journey began in semi darkness where our words were few. As the sleep slowly left our bodies, we carefully made our way to an ocean side cliff where we raised our cameras to the horizon. The sun did not disappoint. It climbed above the pine shadowed islands and cast its brilliance over the bay, bringing with it a magenta glow that could be seen Reflected in each of our faces, spiritually, or at least photographically seated, we returned to the car and drove back to town. Still early, we waited until our favorite restaurant opened and breakfasted together. Kindred spirits, we found ourselves, despite our diversity of years, united in our desire to experience the purity of a sunrise moment. This shared adventure of a family enriched us all. On this week's show, we meet families who have chosen to engage in many shared moments. Michael Bolan and Deirdre Swords, proprietors of Havana and the Artemis Gallery, and Kyler Morris, owner of Morris Shots. Their experiences enrich their lives in ways both foreseen and not. Sometimes it is the adventures, more than our everyday lives, that shape us. The only way to know whether this may be so is to attempt the adventures and bring our children along in the process. We hope you enjoy our show and hope it contributes to your own family adventures. Thank you for listening. Anyone who's ever been to Bar Harbor,

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Maine, and wanted to go to one of the best restaurants in the area

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

that there is, has probably been to Havana.

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And if you haven't and you're listening, you need to, because the individuals who create Havana, including Michael Bolan and his

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

wife, Deirdre Swords, have really made something

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very special up in that area.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

They also are doing something very special with their children on a yearly basis, and that is exploring the world in

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a very different way. And that is what we're going to talk about today. So. So thank you for coming in and having a conversation with us.

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Thanks for having us.

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Thanks.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Now, the reason that you're here is

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because Kevin Thomas, the publisher of Maine Magazine, saw that you had been adventuring, which I think you do on a pretty regular basis, yearly basis, and got in touch with you, Michael, and said, congratulations for making this work. And you got back to him. And this, I'm kind of paraphrasing, but you got back to him and said, you know, it is. It's a very deliberate thing. We're not lucky to do this.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

We're fortunate.

[Unidentified voice]:

We're not lucky to do this. But this is a very conscious decision on our part because you have children. You have children, you have a restaurant. I know, Deirdre, you've opened the Artemis Gallery. So you have a lot going on. You've consciously decided to live your life in a very different way.

[Unidentified voice]:

Yeah, I remember that conversation with Kevin. In the business that we're in, at the gallery and at the restaurants, we meet a lot of people and they inquire about, well, what do you do in the winter? You know what goes on in the off season. And when we tell them, oftentimes they'll remark, oh, you're so lucky. That's so great that you get to do that. And, you know, we've kind of structured our life even before we had our children around that seasonality. And it isn't for everyone, but we made that decision that it was for us. We tried it and decided that we liked it, I guess, and then made the decision to keep going with it. We've certainly had to make changes on our destination. But part of the reason Havana is Havana is because it almost always has been Latin America that we've fallen in love with and traveled to. And so we've kept it up. And yes, with the children, it's become more complicated, but it's working for us so far.

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How old are your children?

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Three and a half and seven almost. Yeah. In a few days, give me a

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little bit of this history about these winter travels and why you chose to go to the warmer climates.

[Unidentified voice]:

Well, it's cold in Maine in the winter. That's one. But with the seasonality of the businesses, it allows for a longer break than just your typical two weeks. So it gives us time to really travel into places where we can really explore. And we've both fallen in love with Central and South America. We did a lot of travels to Brazil for a number of years, but since having the children, we've kind of had to keep it a little bit closer. So we've been heading down to Mexico ever since our first daughter was born. And we started in Tulum and we loved it and the beach. But then spending a couple of months on the beach can almost get a little tiring in itself. So we did some road tripping and we ended up going into the mountains of Chiapas and really fell in love with San Cristobal de la Casa. And, yeah, and it keeps calling us back.

[Unidentified voice]:

And that's a point that we've been fortunate that we've had that. Not just two weeks, that it's been a stretch. And so we've always gone to the same place for a while. As Deirdre said, it was Brazil, and we always went to the same island up in the northeast part of Brazil, and we would stay there for two or three months. And of course, what's nice about that is you're really building your life there. You're not just a tourist or a guest there. You're really living there. For the four or five years we were there, we watched people have children. We watched People get married. Actually two friends of ours from Maine went there to get married and start

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really connecting and becoming familiar with a lot of the people that live there year round as well. So it's just nice to then start being a part of another community.

[Unidentified voice]:

Now the children, so they're, you said seven and three. How do you think that this has impacted them in a way that's different than kids who year round might live in Bar harbor or another part of Maine or some other part of the world, but are always in the same place? How has this maybe impacted their mindsets or their.

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Well, I think we're hoping that it's expanding.

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I mean, it's very different between the two, of course, just because a three year old thrives wherever they are, right in whatever room, they're going to find something fun to do outside in whatever country, you know. By the time we left Chiapas this past year, Juno, our youngest, said, I don't want to go back to Maine. She was ready to stay. Whereas the older one, Zoe, really said, I think we should skip Mexico next year. We should just do one winter in Maine because I really want to ice skate. Which was her stand in for, I think I'm not enjoying this as much as I was maybe when I was 5 or 4. So it's going to be interesting how, how it develops. She said, I'm ready to go. I don't think I want to go for that long. Of course, that's a crucial time. She's going to be going into second grade, so she's got these really tight relationships ever since pre kindergarten that she's had. Bar harbor is a fairly tight knit community. A lot of people in Maine think of it as this major tourism spot and of course it is. But it's also, after all, a small town in Maine. And so we have a lot of really great relationships there with our friends and with the children of our friends. So that's going to be interesting. She did go to school there and so did the younger girl. Juno went to a preschool that was all in Spanish, of course, and our Spanish is okay. It's not great. We take classes and we enjoy it. We're not under any delusions that we're going to be perfectly fluent anytime soon. But the process of learning it is enjoyable and that's part of, of course, why we're there as well. It's just, hey, let's do something neat for our children. It's hey, let's go on a date night two times a week. Which is fairly Unheard of in the summer. So what else about Zoe?

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Yeah, but Zoe also, she said, you know, well, next year when we're here, are we gonna. Are we gonna come back and do horseback riding? Because Zoe and I were taking riding classes together once a week, and then she was riding, going to her own class once a week. But she would talk about the future and Mexico in the future. So I think she has incorporated into, okay, this is what we do. And she is comfortable with it. And I think. I think with like, any kid, you know, all changes are a little hard at first, but you get used to it. And I think even for myself, you know, when I kind of was thinking of, oh, my goodness, I'm gonna be. I gotta pack. I'm gonna be up for four months, it seemed a little. It seemed a little intense and overwhelming. But when I got there and being there for that long, we were like, what time to go? Not ready to go? Life is really nice, you know, like, it's just. It's a little calmer, Things are a little slower. And that's where that balance comes from. Our hectic, crazy summers that I don't think I'd want it different because I think Michael and I are kind of high energy and crazy. Like, we thrive on the chaos that kind of keeps us going, gets us more energized in a way. So again, like he said, it's not necessarily for everyone, but for us it works. And, you know, it's just trying to find that balance in life that you always try to find with whatever situation or place that you're living in. And I feel like we are really kind of in the right spot, finding that balance and pretty happy. So, yeah, it seems like it requires

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

some kind of mental and emotional flexibility

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in order to go from up here to down there. And to go from it sounds like kind of intensely on as a family to maybe not so much during the working season. Exactly.

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I think people try to do that all the time, don't we? And most people are trying to do that on a weekly schedule. So, you know, you go, go, go during the week, and then, okay, I'm supposed to be relaxing on Sunday. So to me, that's a harder adjustment to do it every single week. But again, to each his own. This. This is working for us. Well, although there is a difficult adjustment period when we go there, getting ready to go there, when we arrive there, when we're ready to depart and when we come back. But again, this. This chunk of time really works for us. I don't in particular, the restaurant business, of course, is a pretty notoriously stressful one. I don't think I would enjoy it and probably still wouldn't be in it if I was doing it 50 out of 52 weeks a year. The fact that we have an end date in sight that we can look forward to and still be excited about what we're doing. And of course this is true again of any profession if it's tough to maintain that creativity, the passion for what you're doing, if you're doing it for 14, actually for over 20 years we've been in the restaurant business. Havana has been there for 14 years. But taking that break for ourselves as well is pretty crucial to keeping it fresh. And one of the many gratifying things about that business of ours in particular is when people come in and say, jeez, is this new? This has a new vibe. And that's, that's a good sign. Not that things that have an old vibe aren't, you know, a hundred year old place, but. But that people think it's fresh and new and that that passion is still evident and that they can sense it. And certainly taking a break makes that difference for us. And we do work while we're there. And, and just backing up on your question of the history of it, again, we've always had traveled. We checked out the beach, as Deirdre said, and then made our way up into the mountains and really found this place. Of course, it had been discovered several thousand years earlier by Mayan people and then by the Spaniards 500 years ago. But you know, whenever you find that place, you kind of think of it as yours. You discovered it and it's a beautiful colonial city and it really suits us. And the other dichotomy of it for us is not just the work, leisure time, which is dramatically reversed when we're there, but also small town versus it's a city of 150,000. Yeah, so we're getting that aspect as well.

[Unidentified voice]:

Yeah. There is a lot of extracurricular activities that Zoe did while we were there. She was taking violin classes, singing classes, we did horseback riding, she was in air dancing. So there was stuff. There was always something to do. There were people that we were able to meet up with from the past couple of years of going back there and family picnics and it's. Yeah, there's great yoga classes there that I enjoyed. I mean it was. And our Spanish classes and going back to the same Spanish teacher we've had for the past three years, which is kind of a neat connection to make. So it's. Yeah, it's nice to keep on building on that.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

We'll return to our program in a Moment on the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour and podcast. We've long understood the important link between health and wealth. Here to speak more on the subject

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is Tom Shepard of Shepherd Financial Summer

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Stress what is it? Well, we've passed the days of summer when the string of very hot days induces a weary stress that makes us long for cooler days. We've entered that period when the stress we feel is kind of about loss, the lost opportunity to go places and see things and do things that just don't fit into the hustle and bustle of fall and spring or the hibernation and celebration of winter. Summer is often a quiet time for reflection, a chance to cull and weed through habits and discard old and replace with new. In that sense, it's like a long, drawn out New Year's. The stress you may feel as fall approaches may be from a sort of induced desire to go and see when really what summer was supposed to be about was to stay and just be. If you didn't do it perfectly, you'll look back with some wish to have spent time and money differently. You'll be thinking about planning for next summer, which the ideas are still fresh in your mind. You'll balance trying to capture and install tradition into the summer while still leaving room for the new and the novel. If you're looking for help trying to plan for next summer, come and talk to us about how to set up your summer endowment. Call us at Shepherd Financial, 207-847-4032 and we'll help your summers evolve with your money.

[Unidentified voice]:

Now the both of you really have to get along very well together in order to do this sort of thing, because not only are you in these two I Mean, I'm assuming you get along all right.

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It's been, what, almost 20 years?

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Well, but that's, you know, that's something because you're in these very high stress environments and you're also traveling as a family.

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Yeah.

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And it's one thing to just say, oh, this is good for our family, but I mean, you're together in a culture that is different than yours, speaking a language that's not your own. You kind of have to be each other's best friends.

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Yeah.

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And so how has this worked as far as your relationship has been concerned over the last 20 years?

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Mostly always, but of course not always.

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Yeah, but I mean, that's. Anywhere you are in anything. Nothing's ever going to be perfect.

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Yes. But I would agree at least that it's even more difficult. Driving a car across the continent of Mexico or the country of Mexico, from the Caribbean side all the way over to the Pacific Ocean with two kids in the back seat is definitely stressful on a relationship, but it can build on it as well. Particularly, again, as we were mentioning, you know, we had more date nights in the last. This past time when we were in Chiapas and San Cristobal. We had brought a friend of ours, but someone that we didn't know that well. She had been a babysitter of good friends of ours. She graduated from the College of the Atlantic. She was kind of looking for something. We said, well, why don't you come down and act as the nanny teacher, really, for our oldest daughter. And she was fantastic. And she also gave us two nights out a week, Tuesdays and Fridays, which really was pretty special as we were joking. It's not really a joke. The three hour drive down here today is the most time we've talked in the last eight weeks.

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It's been. Yeah, you know, and that's a challenge. Yeah, definitely.

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When the only thing you're communicating to each other is little bits of information

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about what the kids did or who's where or whatever. But yeah, it's. That was, that was nice. Julie was a great addition and was the only way that I know I couldn't personally homeschool Zoe. And unfortunately, with the amount of time that we are in Chiapas for those four months, it's hard to enroll her in a school because once you start getting there to the point where the language is, I guess it's easy for her to be in school that we would leave, but the real time that they say is probably, it's about eight months.

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All the expats told us the same thing, that there's a switch that clicks at about. Depending on the child, of course, but. And depending on the age of course as well. But you know, for four, five, six, seven, eight year olds, it's about eight or nine months. And we're only there for three or four months. And what the expats tell us is, oh, that's the suffering time. That's the time when your child's saying, why am I here? Why are you doing this to me? I don't want to be here anymore. I don't understand anything the teachers are saying. So that's been difficult with the six year old. The three year old we think is going to be better.

[Unidentified voice]:

Is it kind of like putting money in the relationship bank, whether it's your relationship or your relationship with your children, where you spend these money months intensely on. And you're saying, look, I'm building this solid foundation.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

And then when you get back and

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you're dealing with a restaurant or you're dealing with the art gallery, you're able to say, you know, I know that my relationship with my kids is pretty rock solid. My relationship with my spouse, you know, of course there's always challenges, but it's pretty solid.

[Unidentified voice]:

I think it's a great analogy and not just putting the money in the relationship bank that we did back in January, February, March, April, but I now have a deposit to get me through this summer. So in other words, I can say to Zoe, and we do, we say, you know, listen, I'm sorry I can't be home to read you a book tonight, but you know, remember last, last winter, I was there every single night cuddling up, reading books, bedtime books. Because with the restaurant business, you know, Deirdre really is a pretty amazing single mom for four months and particularly at bedtime and dinner time and all that. And it's really tough. So I have that. And then I also can say this is something we can look forward to as well. So yeah, it's a good analogy for me.

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Do you feel like there's an advantage to the way that you're doing this from. I know I've been talking to the both of you. I guess I'm specifically going to ask you this, Michael, from a father standpoint, because I've spoken to a lot of

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

men who have kind of regrets and I guess women too, actually, I've spoken to women and men who, who have

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regrets about not spending enough time with their children. But it seems like we're more culturally. It's culturally More okay for men to not spend as much time with their children, but it's really not okay. It's really not okay with the men any more than it would be okay with the women.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Do you feel like you're at somewhat

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of an advantage in this case being slightly competitive? I measure these things, you know, I don't sit down and do a spreadsheet on them. But I definitely think of what if I were a 9 to 5 guy, which is great, they get the nighttime back unless they work late, which a lot of nine to five guys end up doing because they're busy as we all are. So when I say I measure it or be competitive, I think to myself, could I be doing something differently where I was spending more time, where I was home at night, where I was home every night. But I think. And you know, we say how busy we are in the summer.

[Unidentified voice]:

But there's flexibility though, I find with Michael that he can all send and say, all right, you know what, it's 2:30, 3:00'. Clock, Zoe comes home from camp or whatever, or we're coming home from the beach and he's like, hey, let's run out and catch frogs or whatever. And you can, I mean, and I

[Unidentified voice]:

can take them to camp in the morning. I can take Zoe to art camp in the morning. So I think I'm probably spending more time, including when, if I measure the winner out, if I were to measure it out, than the average. Than the average 9 to 5 job. So I'm pretty satisfied with that. That doesn't mean in the summer. I don't. Yes. I don't say to myself, jeez, this is not working. I really want to be there right now. That said, when I am there, those first couple weeks out in Mexico can be a little trying. You know, I'm going from. Not zero hours, but, you know, a minimal amount of time. And all of a sudden I'm going from 24, 7. I am with my. There is no work to hun. I'd love to help. I've got to go to work right now. I'm sorry.

[Unidentified voice]:

No restaurants to run off to.

[Unidentified voice]:

There's nothing to run off to. And it's an adjustment period for sure, every year.

[Unidentified voice]:

I mean, that's like.

[Unidentified voice]:

But you acknowledge. Yeah, yeah, yeah, probably better than I do. I don't like to acknowledge. I joke about it, but I don't. I don't. Yeah, it's. It's a tough time.

[Unidentified voice]:

So, I mean, any transit, any with the way that our life is of this, you know, Busy time and then the kind of Chiapas time, everything, there's always a transition, no matter what, with anything, with everything, with them, with us. So I mean when you move from one way of life to another, you always. We just maybe have more transition times that we're dealing with than maybe the average person of going off to their two week vacation.

[Unidentified voice]:

Well, see, I would disagree. I think we have less, less, less transition times because I think a lot of people and we have plenty of our own. But you know, their transition time is almost every weekend. You know, they get done their work week.

[Unidentified voice]:

Yeah, but that becomes a pattern and

[Unidentified voice]:

it's a transition time into the weekend. It can become a pattern where you're not analyzing it as much. Maybe that's true, but I don't know. I think our transitions are bigger, they're more dramatic, they're more emotional. But I think in a way there are fewer of them over the course of a 12 month year.

[Unidentified voice]:

I see more analyzing.

[Unidentified voice]:

This will give you something to talk about as you're driving your three hours back to Bar harbor today. And I do love the dialogue, I love the back and forth. And I could see that it would be an interesting way to continue to maintain creativity. I mean, I know that Michael, with you it's Havana and now you also have the Artemis Gallery. So talk to me about how it is that these trips actually lead to more creative impulses, whether it's in the area of the restaurant or the art gallery. How do these things inspire you? How does it going to Mexico for two to four months? How does this enrich your own lives as individuals?

[Unidentified voice]:

I think, you know, the romantic notion is that you're, you know, you're coming up with these amazing ideas while you're sitting at a little cafe in the historic center of the old city. But part of it really is just having the time. Yeah, you know, not being in the grind, not being in the 247 when you do don't have time. You just have time to put out the fires.

[Unidentified voice]:

Right.

[Unidentified voice]:

Or mop up the floods, which my week has been occupied with this past week. So I think part of it is just giving yourself that time, is giving yourself that downtime and letting your brain function in that creative way. Certainly. And within that is just making those lists. Right. Just saying, all right, I'm going to make some notes here about what I could do better at the restaurant or what was going wrong last year or what kind of new restaurant we might want to do.

[Unidentified voice]:

Yeah, I think that is a good way of looking at it. It's definitely just the downtime to, you know, or when we're out or talk, you know, just allowing for conversation and your brain to kind of just kind of take off and go or. Yeah, sure, maybe you may stumble across like a really cute little restaurant or something and be like, oh, that's so cute. That would work great in Bar harbor. And. Oh, but it just allows for that flow and for, like you said, your mind to kind of have that time to kind of expand and create.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Now, Deirdre, you have artists like Eric

[Unidentified voice]:

Hopkins who are, I guess, rotating in and out every couple of weeks at the Artemis Gallery.

[Unidentified voice]:

Yep, he was in early July. Right now we have David Graham Baker and Rob Pullian and Lisa Lebowski. And we'll be coming up on our new show. Coming up this Friday is Tom Curry and Greg Dunham. But we did every two weeks, my partner Cody Van Heerden and I, we would turn over a new artist and it was. It's been really fun summer and great.

[Unidentified voice]:

All Maine based artists.

[Unidentified voice]:

All Maine based. You are correct, yes. Maine based artists or work based on Maine, Definitely supporting Maine.

[Unidentified voice]:

And anything new going on at Havana, I would actually agree. There is always a new vibe from what I can tell at Havana. I love the drinks, love the food. My 12 year old, we're gonna go back up there. She can't stop talking about going back to havana. And she's 12. She's a little bit of a foodie, but she can't stop talking about it. So I agree.

[Unidentified voice]:

It's a very.

[Unidentified voice]:

So what else? What's happening up at Havana?

[Unidentified voice]:

Well, first, how do we get our 6 year old to become your 12 year old? Because right now it's peanut butter and that's it.

[Unidentified voice]:

Over time, it does happen.

[Unidentified voice]:

Yeah. That's great to hear. Thank you for saying that. We do try new things every year. We try. Although we still have mojitos and we won't ever get rid of those. And we still have a lot of the same folks, which is a nice continuity. You know, we've got Mark Dyer behind the bar. Duffy is his nickname, with a big gray beard, which probably half of Maine knows. This gentleman, he's bartended all over, but has been with us for 14 years and is a great master mixologist. There's not a lot of new things structurally, but certainly the menu we change every year. We change usually three or four times a summer. We change our sources, although we're really comfortable with some of our sources. Mandala Farm in Winter harbor has been constant for 10 years now, really a great producer. And then we'll change some of the staff just because some don't return. But there's a lot of continuity. I think the new vibe comes from the passion that you can sense when you're there that people care about what they're doing. They're not just going through the motions. They're really excited about it. And so hopefully that's where it comes from. But we've got a couple other restaurants. We've opened one new one this year. We've always had several going at a time. And we've got a Lobster Pound now. Not like it was a unique idea. People have been doing it for what, the last 100 years? But there was a nice building on Main street in downtown Bar harbor, so we called it the Downtown Lobster Pound.

[Unidentified voice]:

Well, when I'm up there, I'll have to check that out with my 12 year old. And I'll have to check out your other restaurants as well. How can people find out about the Artemis Gallery and Havana and the other restaurants? The Downtown Lobster Pound?

[Unidentified voice]:

They're all connected on the website for Havana havanamain.com or rupanuni.com or Artemis Gallery.

[Unidentified voice]:

Is it artemisgallerybh.com the BH is for Bar Harbor. You got it?

[Unidentified voice]:

I got it. Well, I'm very pleased that you've taken the time to come in and and

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

speak to me today.

[Unidentified voice]:

We've been talking with Deirdre Swords and Michael Bolland, world travelers and parents and longtime partners in traveling mischief. I should say adventurers. So thank you for inspiring me and for coming in and talking to us.

[Unidentified voice]:

Thank you Lisa.

[Unidentified voice]:

Thanks very much.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

We on the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour and podcast, we that our listeners enjoy their own work lives to the same extent we do and fully embrace every day. As a physician and small business owner, I rely on Marcie Booth from Booth, Maine to help me with my own business and to help me live my own life fully. Here are a few thoughts from Marcy

[Unidentified voice]:

as the end of another Maine summer slowly and sadly comes into view, I can't help but think about the great adventures I've been able to share with my family and friends. We hiked, biked, tubed, and just did all that we could to get out and enjoy new experiences. Making time for those adventures can be a challenge to say the least, especially when you have all the balls in the air to keep track of. I talk to clients every day about this issue. I partner with them to create systems and processes in their businesses that give them more time to do what they enjoy doing so that the little things don't become overwhelming as the next few weeks pass. I have a challenge for you. Take a look at those things in your day that are obstacles that keep you from making time for adventures and focus on a solution to getting around them. It's time to do less so you can enjoy more. I'm Marcie Booth. Let's talk about the changes you need. Boothmain.com

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Maine is blessed, or at least the coast is blessed, with an abundance of water upon which to sail. And the individual who's sitting across the microphone from me today is somebody who

[Unidentified voice]:

has taken full advantage of Maine's coastal

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

waters, but also has taken advantage of

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waters elsewhere around the world and during

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

part of this time took his family with him.

[Unidentified voice]:

We have us today with us, Kyler

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Morris, who is with Morris Yachts.

[Unidentified voice]:

It's great to have you come in and have a conversation with us.

[Unidentified voice]:

Great to be here.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Dr. Lisa Kyler, I was looking at the August edition of Maine Magazine and reading about the eight months that you

[Unidentified voice]:

spent on a sailboat with your family. And I was simultaneously, I guess envious and also wondering about how one makes such an enormous commitment and how one one could possibly come away from that experience without feeling, without being unscathed in some way. I guess it sounds like it was a really positive experience, but I have

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

my own three kids, so I don't know.

[Unidentified voice]:

Tell me about this.

[Unidentified voice]:

It was the adventure of a lifetime and an opportunity that I felt and my wife felt we should take advantage of. I always, you know, I thought, you know, if you have a skill to do something that's adventuresome and there's a door that kicks open in life and you can go and do that, you really take advantage of it. And that happened to us in 2006. We had a Customer who had built a boat with us in 2000, and he asked us to build him another boat. And so he took this boat in trade, and we had it that summer and used it a little bit personally. And one evening we were sitting in an anchorage in Agamogan Reach, and it sort of dawned on me that this dream of taking the family to the Caribbean might be made possible on this boat. And so we talked about it pretty quickly, actually, because we left about four months later and we just did it. You know, business was good, timing was right, and we seized the opportunity and sailed. Sailed south November 5th of 2006.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Well, I used the word unscathed, and

[Unidentified voice]:

I guess that's sort of a negative connotation. I don't mean to say, like damaging things happen to you, but I guess

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

the word is unchanged.

[Unidentified voice]:

When you go on an adventure like this, even as an individual, go sailing, even going by yourself for eight months, that. That does things, I would think, to you as a person, what does it do to the family?

[Unidentified voice]:

I would say the biggest thing is that, you know, you're living in a 45 by 10 foot space together, so you're living in a much smaller space than normal. You're having an adventure every day, whether it's the weather or a new island or some situation that arises,

[Unidentified voice]:

you know,

[Unidentified voice]:

when you're in a big house or at home, you know, a situation that, you know, an individual might have to embrace and deal with themselves, becomes sort of, you know, part of everybody. And so you deal with it together. You know, that that's. It really brought us closer together as a family. It's interesting, you know, just. There'll be some days we'll be, you know, here we are five years past this trip, and the kids will. Some anecdote will come up and remember that day that we were off of St. Vincent and we saw this fish. Or remember the time we were in the Grenadines and we were in this anchorage and so. And so came by. So it's. We got closer together. And those memories are definitely really seared into your minds, and they kind of come out as life happens. So it's neat. It was very impactful, very positively impactful.

[Unidentified voice]:

Your children were taken out of sort of the mainstream for eight months. The mainstream where they have constant exposure, where all of our kids have a constant exposure to television and video games and being connected to each other through Twitter and through Facebook. And they really had to just focus in on the moment and each other and the family and the fishes and what's going on around in the world. What was that like for them?

[Unidentified voice]:

You know, it was. We were definitely excited about that aspect of it. They were the ages. Let's see, Thomas was 4, Sophia was 8ish and Sam was almost 10. So, you know, sort of this full impact of, you know, cell phones and all those sorts of things hadn't really trickled into their daily lives. And you know, they were also at an age where they're starting to become self sufficient in reading. So we had a library of books on the boat and the kids read and swam and we hiked and did, you know, hikes to forts and historic tours. And I guess being unplugged four, eight months was pretty awesome. Particularly given just saying how, you know, technology just has. Seems to have such a way of getting so intertwined in our lives today. It's really hard to unplug. You hear it, it's becoming a little cliche, but it's true. It's hard and I think it's really necessary. So that was great. I'd love to go back again, except I'm sure there's WI FI hotspots everywhere today. So it's getting harder to sort of disconnect.

[Unidentified voice]:

But did your kids do any sort of formal homeschooling while you were traveling?

[Unidentified voice]:

We had sort of plans in particular for Sam being in sixth grade, I guess, going to sixth grade, and thought, well, we've got to have some sort of a daily lesson plan. Homeschooling. And a little bit for Sophia, Thomas wasn't so necessary sort of pre kindergarten. And we tried, my wife Cindy in particular. We started out the first couple weeks trying to do a daily lesson plan and very quickly realized that they. This adventure that we were going on was going to be the education for the next six, eight months. And we kind of gave up on the homeschool plan and the adventure became the education. And it's something that the only way to get an experience like that is to do what we did. Kids caught up when they got back home instantly. So I think if you were. We ran into a lot of families that were doing this for two, three and four years with older kids, teens, you know, 12, 13. And I think it gets. I'm sure it's much more important to be sort of disciplined about homeschool and staying caught up. But we just focused on the adventure every day.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Did your kids ever have conversations with

[Unidentified voice]:

you about their friends and missing their friends from home, or were they really too young at that point to have that kind of concern?

[Unidentified voice]:

They Were still too young. Sam was just starting to tip into that a little bit. But generally speaking, they were all the right age. They were just enveloped in and what we're doing every day.

[Unidentified voice]:

So you describe being in a place where you made this decision pretty quickly, and then you organized it within four months. It sounds like, what was the process that you and Cindy went through? Because it's kind of a big decision to essentially take a chunk of a year out of your life and go elsewhere.

[Unidentified voice]:

I think in some respects, in reality, we did it because we didn't have too much time to think about it. I think if you're left with too much time to plan and organize. I was almost starting to get to the point where, like, should we be doing this? Should I be at work? Should I be focused on other things? And so it's, you know, you gotta have a plan, but you also gotta have a little bit of spontaneity. I think this particular adventure for us was probably made easy by the fact that, again, it was a sailing adventure. I had a really strong sailing skill set. So that whole aspect of, you know, how to get there, where we're going, all places I'd been before, was just kind of easy. So it really took a whole dynamic off the table, and we could kind of focus on, do we do this or not, and, you know, what kind of first aid kit do we need and who do we need to tell that we're going to be gone and sort of get things organized at the business? So I think a little bit of spontaneity was probably the little fire that kept us going.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

The goal of the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour is to help make connections between the health of the individual and the health of the community. The goal of Ted Carter inspired landscapes is to deepen our appreciation for the natural world. Here to speak with us today is Ted Carter.

[Unidentified voice]:

We live in a very coarse and ugly world today. The media surrounds us with a constant barrage of predatory commercials, Murders, chaos, economic peril, wars, on and on. John o', Donohue, one of my favorite theologians, writes, even amidst chaos and disorder, something in the human mind continues to seek beauty. Land and landscape offer this refuge. When I work with clients, I always envision how these lovely landscaped areas will offer a home to all those that enter. That will help soothe them and make them whole once again. Refreshed and in balance, they can now return to the harsh, demanding world that awaits them beyond this magical oasis. I'm Ted Carter, and if you'd like to contact me, I can be reached@tedcarterdesign.com

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

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[Unidentified voice]:

describe the journey that you took. You do this somewhat in the Maine Magazine article. You talk about sort of where you ended up going. Describe the journey and some of your favorite destinations along the way.

[Unidentified voice]:

Well, we left our boatyard in Northeast harbor, the Morris Yachts Boatyard north northeast Harbor on November 5, which is just kind of right at the right in the middle of the departure window of boats leaving from the Eastern Seaboard to get to the Caribbean for the winter. Whether it's private boats or charter boats that's sort of people start leaving end of October through November post hurricane pretty, you know, winter in New England and I did the leg to Bermuda with a bunch of sailing mates friends of mine. Sailing across the Gulf Stream is always an adventure and one I thought that my family would best experience in the springtime, not in the fall. So sailed to Bermuda and it was kind of funny. We actually had a good friend of mine who writes for Sail magazine was aboard and he I wanted to have him come aboard. He's a great sailor and a fun guy, but he wanted to write an article on weather Routing and see how functional and accurate it was. And Murphy's Law, we got caught in a very bad storm, which was not predicted by any forecasters. So he really got the opportunity to write an excellent story on our journey. We arrived in Bermuda safely, a little weather beaten, slightly seasick and happy to see see Bermuda, which is a fantastic island. So you asked about destinations. I love Bermuda. Great place. Then my son Sam flew out with another friend. So sort of a crew change. And then Sam joined us and my buddies. We sailed from Bermuda to Antigua, which we sort of made our center of effort our home base for the winter. I have a lot of friends there. It's a good, you know, sort of sailing and boating islands to be on equipment and supplies, food. And so we arrived Antigua mid November and crew slowly disbanded. Most of them wanted to stay in Antigua for the winter, but decided they needed to fly home. And Cindy, Sophia and Thomas flew down at Thanksgiving in Antigua with some friends. And we're sort of provisioning and getting used to living on the boat in the tropics. And I think it was December 1st. We set off south and we went down. Our goal was to head down to the Windward Islands, down to the Grenadines in Grenada, and sort of get down there quickly and then slowly come back with the trade winds and work back up island. And we, we did that. We spent Christmas near Beckwe, sailed around grenada below latitude 12. That was kind of fun. Just around the southern tip of Grenada and spent some time, a couple days on every island from Grenada all the way to the USVI over the course of six months. But it was great. It was a great time. I want to go back and do it again.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Well, how would that be possible at this point?

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I know that your kids are 17, 14, 11 and 4.

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I know two out of the four definitely would not want to go.

[Unidentified voice]:

I'm assuming your older ones, who and friends.

[Unidentified voice]:

Sam is. He would prefer to stay in Yarmouth, actually. Sophie talks about wanting to go, although she said not for six months, but maybe for six weeks. Yeah, I guess that was the other reason we sort of seized the opportunity five years ago, because you just,

[Unidentified voice]:

You don't know if and when you can do it again. So I think we'll do it at some point in the future. We'll be lucky enough to maybe have Charlie with us and go do it for four or five, six months and have the kids come visit. That would be a dream, but at this point it's a dream.

[Unidentified voice]:

Does Charlie ever talk about. I know he's young does he realizes that he missed out on this and does he ever talk about this or no.

[Unidentified voice]:

I mean, he hears some of these stories and anecdotes from the older kids about the Caribbean, but it's. I don't think at this point he has much of an idea of what we did as a family.

[Unidentified voice]:

You had to not only get along because you're right, you're on a boat. If somebody has an issue, it just has to get dealt with. People can't just sort of storm off and shut themselves in their room for three days the way they might if they were on land or leave the house or whatever. So there's that. But you also had to work together in actually sailing the boat, making dinner. This is something that I think a lot of parents struggle with these days is how do you get your family to work together as a unit just to live? How did you and Cindy approach this?

[Unidentified voice]:

Again, I think that, you know, the environment and this adventure kind of, it forces that teamwork mentality. So you have, you have to do it. You know, we have to take turns doing dishes, you have to take turns doing engine maintenance. You have to take turns cleaning the bottom of the boat. You got to keep the boat clean, you've got to keep your space clean. Because we're all living in this tight, small space together. And it actually, you know, it just sort of happens, or at least it happened for our family. I mean, the kids, you know, understood that these were all necessary things every day, you know, sort of for happy and, you know, functional sailing and, and for fun adventure. So it just, from my perspective, it just sort of seemed to, to take place. And you see the kids at home today, they've got a little bit more, more space and you know, you know, more space, I think as a general rule of thumb, tends to make you a little sloppier about how you might take care of it. But they still have got that memory and, you know, they're great kids and, you know, they're. I think that's one of the sort of lessons that they still carry through every day, hopefully forward in life.

[Unidentified voice]:

And do you think that your 2006 eight month adventure with your family, with Cindy and your three kids, then, do you think that that set the stage for them to understand the sort of joy of sailing that you have yourself?

[Unidentified voice]:

I think so. I think they definitely, they definitely appreciate it. They're great sailors and they're great kids in some respects. I think they feel like at that age they almost got a lifetime of sailing in. I mean, they were on a boat for eight months, so their interests are going in other directions now. But they have an excellent foundation in sailing and should they choose to returned to it or participated in it partly in life, they'll be very happy and confidently able to do so.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

For people who are interested in reading more about the Morris family adventures aboard their sailboat, I encourage them to pick up your August copy of Maine Magazine

[Unidentified voice]:

and read this beautiful article. And your children are lovely, your wife is lovely. It seems as though you are embracing this main life that we all hope to embrace ourselves. So thank you for coming in and talking about your family adventures today.

[Unidentified voice]:

Thanks Dr. Lisa.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

You have been listening to the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour and podcast show number 103, Family Adventures. Our guests have included Michael Bolan and Dierdre Swords and Kyler Morris. For more information on our guests as well as extended interviews, visit drlisabelisle.com the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour and Podcast is downloadable for free on itunes. For a preview of each week's show, sign up for our E Newsletter and like our Dr. Lisa Facebook page. You can also follow me on Twitter and Pinterest and read my take on health and well being on The Bountiful Blog bountifulpath.com We love to hear from you, so please let us know what you think of the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour. We welcome your suggestions for future shows. Also let our sponsors know that you have heard about them here. We are privileged that they enable us to bring the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour to you each week. This is Dr. Lisa Belisle hoping that you have enjoyed our Family Adventure Show. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your day. May you have a bountiful life.

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Sa.