Jill Hinckley, Hinckley Introductions

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Jill Hinkley is the owner of Hinkley Introductions, a matchmaking and coaching agency based in Portland. Thanks for coming in today.

Jill Hinckley:

Thank you so much for having me.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

So you have an interesting business in this day and age. We used to think of matchmakers way back when. Then we kind of came into the age of Tinder and Bumble and other apps. But you're actually, you're kind of old school. You're doing stuff the way that it's been done for a long time.

Jill Hinckley:

I'm definitely trying to take it back to a more personal connection with people. I like to connect people in a personal and meaningful way, and this is how I do it. It's real matchmaking. It's one on one, as if you're meeting a friend of a friend. That's how I keep working on it being a personal experience for everybody.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

So you grew up in, you were born in Ellsworth and you grew up in Southwest Harbor. Your grandfather started Hinkley Yachts in 1928. So this is kind of a big departure from the family business.

Jill Hinckley:

Very big, but not really, because our family, we knew everybody that built a Hinkley boat. They came. We knew the whole family. It took at least a year to build a Hinkley boat. So they would come up, they would visit, we would have dinner parties with the people that were building their boats. So we really knew everybody, every customer very personally. My grandfather, when he owned the Hinkley company, we only built 12 boats a year. So each family was very important we knew every boat name, every customer. That was a long time ago. Fast forward. Picnic boat. Whole different world at the Hinkley Company. But that's how I grew up. I grew up with very personal relationships with people, and I loved networking and getting to know people. So that brought me into this. Yes.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

So I'm guessing that there must have been a few other things that you've done in your life prior to now, because this is a relatively new business for you.

Jill Hinckley:

I've been doing it for four years. Yes. After my family, I did work at the Hinkley Company. I started when I was in high school giving tours of the Hinckley Company. Went to high school, college, would come back and work in the summers on the dock, and I worked in retail a lot. I am a mom with five kids, so I did a lot of staying at home with my kids while they were growing up, then started working at the Hinkley Company again in their retail business. Then my father sold the Hinkley Company in 1998, and I decided I had remarried, and I decided to move on and do other things. Well, what I started doing was doing recruiting in the boat business. So there were other boat companies that were looking for people to work for their company. And I knew a lot of people through the Hinkley Company that had worked at the Hinkley Company for many years. So that brought me into recruiting in the boat business, which I loved. And it's similar to matchmaking because you're connecting businesses with employees and people and getting to know people and interviewing people and understanding what they want, where they're going, where they want to live. So recruiting in the boat business actually brought me to matchmaking kind of a roundabout way. But I ended up here, and I love it. So.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

So was there one experience that some sort of aha moment where you said, oh, matchmaking. I'd be good at this. I think I should do this.

Jill Hinckley:

Well, Maine has been. Was the tipping point for me, because Maine has incredible people that live here, and they're all different and diverse, and they have different careers. They live in different places. And I'm a lucky person. I get to live in all different parts of Maine or go visit all different parts of Maine. So I was meeting people, sometimes from recruiting and sometimes personally, that were incredible people. And I kept thinking, oh, you need to know this person, and you need to know this person. And then I would lose them. I would not be able to connect them. So I started thinking, because I have all these single people I know, how do I Connect them? Do I use my recruiting skills, have them fill out my questionnaire, get to know them, so that if I do want to contact them, I can reach out and have all their information. So it was really just inspired by all the great people in Maine that I was trying to connect on different levels.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

How do you differentiate yourself as a matchmaker and your business from the apps that we've mentioned? And how are the people that come to see you different than the people who might, say, sign up for, I don't know, match.com

Jill Hinckley:

I work with everybody. Anybody that comes into my group, there's different levels. You can simply be in my database. It's free. You just fill out my questionnaire and you can be free in my database. And that's just one way of putting yourself out there if you're a single person. I also coach people. A lot of people I work with are divorced or widowed, and they haven't been out there and they don't even know. There's so many incredible options. Yes, there's Bumble and Tinder and hinge and match.com and eHarmony. And there's all these different ways you can step into this dating world. So I do coaching for people, and then I do personal matchmaking. And personal matchmaking is usually working with somebody who has a very busy life, who prefers not to go online, probably for oftentimes because of their career or something, or just plain busy busy. Because being online and doing these apps does take a lot of time. So people sometimes don't have that time. And they say, okay, Jill, help me out here. And what I do is I set up the dates, I get to know everybody. I do background checks, if that's necessary, and really make sure that these two people are compatible before they even meet.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

How do you do that?

Jill Hinckley:

Lots of questions, lots of talking and getting to know them. I tried not to have people bring a big list. Like sometimes people like, okay, these are all the things I want in my next relationship. And he. I want him to ski and do all these things. And it's okay to have a few things on the list, but let's. I say it's, how does that person make you feel? How does that person. Can you sit on that porch and talk for hours with that person? Is that somebody you really want to spend time with? That's where I try to get people to focus on not so much the list, but more about the experience of being with that person. So it's just me, like a friend. Like, I would really get to Know them and say, and you know, first dates can be tough, but they can also be so much fun. So you get to know somebody as a friend. That's the worst case scenario.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Well, I was thinking about our interview with DJ John and, and he was talking to us about people who came in with big lists of do not play music and how challenging that really was for him. And that as a professional, what he preferred was give me a few things that you like and then kind of just leave it up to me. I know how to do this. And what you're saying is a little bit of that. You know, I'm going to get to know you and I'm going to make sure that we put you together with somebody who, at least foundationally, you have some things in common. Does that sound right?

Jill Hinckley:

Absolutely, absolutely. And you know, obviously there's going to be some deal breakers for people that are really important that can be in this crazy world we live in today. Politics can be a big one, you know, so we have to talk about a little bit about politics, religion. These are things that are really important to people. And so I can see by getting to know them that this is going to be a deal breaker one way or the other. Or wow, these two people are very compatible and can talk for hours about this subject. So worst case scenarios, their first date is they just really enjoy talking to each other. You found somebody that you agree with on a lot of different levels.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

So how does that come up in a conversation? Do you just. Do you immediately put it out there, like, who did you vote for? Or do you just kind of let things go a little bit and then kind of see where they might be inclined and then ask.

Jill Hinckley:

So when I interview people and have them fill out my questionnaire, it is a questionnaire that I do ask about politics. And so they're pretty. Some people feel very strongly about it. Some people are very, you know, easygoing about it. They don't mind. So these are things that I learned just because I'm doing one on one. I'm also having them fill out my questionnaire. So I know them pretty well usually.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

What are some of the questions that you have on your questionnaire?

Jill Hinckley:

I ask them about their lifestyle, about like politics, their religion, if they've been married before, what sports and activities they like to do. I sometimes ask them, what's a typical Sunday? How do you, what do you do on a typical Sunday? Because a lot of times that's the day you have a chance to spend with somebody else. And I like to see that they would do the same things or enjoy the same things. What other questions do I have that are on, you know, obviously age and whether or not they have kids and whether or not they're willing to travel to meet a match? A lot of people love to travel to meet somebody. And some people are like, no, no, I'd rather meet somebody just 30 minutes away from me. So that's another big challenge I have is geography.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Are you dealing with people who are just within the state of Maine or do your matches go all over?

Jill Hinckley:

I started just in Maine, but I do notice a lot of the people I work with either go to Florida in the wintertime or, you know, they travel in different parts of Maine, or some people even live in Maine and travel to Boston for work. So there's a lot of cross state lines activity going on. Which really the fun part for me with that is I got involved with other matchmakers. We have a whole network of matchmakers that I work with. So sometimes I'll work with Florida matchmakers or I'll work with a matchmaker in Boston. And I actually just opened an office in Boston, so myself. So I do travel a bit to meet people and that's so fun. I get to meet the most incredible people. So I cannot complain about that. But yes, a lot of people are outside of Maine.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

That's so that's so fun, the idea that there's like all these other matchmakers out there in the world. I hadn't really ever thought about that. I guess my daughter has watched a reality show about some sort of matchmaker somewhere, so I knew she has.

Jill Hinckley:

Those are fun.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Yeah, I mean, I knew that that existed, but I think it shows that there's still this need for personal connectivity. Even though you have at your fingertips the computer that you could use or your phone that some people really just prefer to have somebody that they can talk to who can help them out.

Jill Hinckley:

Absolutely. And I love that because people have so many questions about this and no two people are going to have the same experience. Everybody comes at this from a different direction, different point of view, a different experience. Experience. And that's the fun for me is I get to know them individually, work with them, and I love working with other matchmakers. If another matchmaker in Boston, for example, has a client they're working with, they might contact me and see if anybody in my database or anybody I'm working with might match up with their client. So we would. And she knows that other matchmaker knows her client. I know my client. So we get Together and we talk about our. Our clients that we're working with. And oftentimes that's really fun because they go out and have a great date and you meet somebody you never would have met if you hadn't signed up with a matchmaker.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Do the people that you work with tend to be older people who, as you mentioned, maybe are widowed or divorced or maybe just have never gotten married?

Jill Hinckley:

Definitely. I work with 40 and up, but I do have other matchmakers that I do work with that work with a younger crowd. It's just a matter of staying focused on my. I'm 54 years old. I tend to work with that crowd a little bit better than the younger crowd. It's just a different. But that's why I think when you sign up with a matchmaker, it's really important that you connect with that matchmaker, that you feel like that matchmaker gets you. And I just feel like I'm really good with the 40 and up crowd and maybe not so focused on the younger crowd.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Do you notice that people who have gone through some of these fairly traumatic things in their lives, loss of a spouse or divorce even, do you notice that they're still working through things? And is this ever something that comes up for you in conversation with them?

Jill Hinckley:

Definitely. Definitely. I mean, you have to go. You have to be ready. Timing is really important for matchmaking because we jump right on it. We get excited about meeting you and who we're going to set you up with. And so you have to be ready. Your schedule has to be. You have to fit this into your life. And sometimes, emotionally, I find that people are just not really ready for this. They're not really sure how this is all going to play out for them. So another thing I love to do is network with people. Life coaches, therapists, I makeup artists and photographers. I mean, any resource that that person, I feel like, needs. Sometimes people haven't had their picture taken in. I mean, they take pictures of everybody else, but they haven't had a picture taken of themselves in, like, five years. So I'll send them to a photographer, and then they'll be so excited because they have finally have a great picture of themselves. It just makes them feel good. And that's a great way to put yourself out. I tell them, put it on your Facebook page. Get excited, excited. Go out there and attend more events. So, yes, everybody comes at it, and I sort of think of tweaking them a little bit. Okay, I'm going to send you down this road for a little while and Then they're really ready for this. But not everybody comes ready to go.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

So if they needed to process their grief, for example, you could, say, refer them to a counselor or if they just needed some, I don't know, hair advice, you could send them towards somebody who could help them with maybe something that's not quite as deep seated. And people generally are okay with this sort of advice coming from you?

Jill Hinckley:

Generally? Yeah, I think they're generally excited about it because, you know, this is a big step for a lot of people that haven't been out in the dating world for a long time. So we try to take baby steps. You know, we're not. We don't want to throw them into this without all the tools they need to get through this experience. So it is baby steps. But hopefully, you know, they're happy with that. Yeah, works well.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

I think about some of the patients that I see that they want to jump right back into, say maybe they lost their spouse suddenly and they've never been alone, and they want to jump right back into a relationship. And I've seen this happen more than once where. Or even a divorce where somebody just immediately into the dating pool. And it doesn't always work out that well because they needed to sort of put some closure on the relationship they had. They needed to grieve that relationship before they could move on. When that happens, do you say, hey, come back and see these other people, the counselor, somebody else that you might know, your pastor, then come back in a few months?

Jill Hinckley:

Absolutely. What I would suggest in that situation is for those people to be in my database. So my database is quite large because it's a free database and people come into my database. I only work with 10 to 15 people personally a year. So those people I know, and I don't sign anybody up for that unless I know they're ready. So to be in my database is kind of fun for people because that's the baby step. And then if I have somebody I'm working with, I'll contact them and I'll say, okay, how are you doing? Are you ready for this? This is an opportunity I have for you. And they can pass. They can say, you know, I'm not really ready right now, or yeah, you know, I've. It's been a few months since I joined your database, and now I'm ready. So I check in with everybody to make sure they are ready for this. And usually they are. I mean, I have great fund people that are using me as one of their resources. If they're in my database because I want them to be out on bumble and try new things, be on Facebook. You know, nonprofits is a really big thing for me. I tell all my single people that I get a chance to. And now I'm on the radio so I can tell them, go to nonprofit events. Join something in your community. Get involved with people that are giving back to their community. That's where you want to be. You want to be out and about. You don't want to be sitting in my database waiting for something to happen, which is great. I want you to be there, too. But also, I want my people to be out and about and meeting new people. That's the best.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

When you are out and about in various capacities, are you constantly, like, thinking, oh, is this person single?

Jill Hinckley:

She or he could match up with somebody else possibly.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

I could just see this, like, computer kind of going on in.

Jill Hinckley:

Your antennas are up, and I'm looking all around. Yeah. I try to put myself out there, too, because I want to on behalf of my clients, Be out there meeting people, networking. And yes, sometimes it's hard. Sometimes it's hard to, like, put myself out there because I'm generally not as outgoing as my husband is. For example, he's the one that's much more outgoing, but we play off each other. He says, okay, there's this event. Let's go. And I love that about my relationship with my husband because it creates this opportunity for me to meet new people and to put myself out there.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

So that's an important point, that you wouldn't always want to have your list of what you want in someone, because maybe you actually want somebody who compliments you. And it's possible you don't even know what that looks like.

Jill Hinckley:

100% agree with you. Absolutely. If I had had a list, I would not be married to my husband right now. Although we complement each other so well and we laugh, we have fun, and we have differences that we celebrate about each other and. Yeah. But we also have some core values and things that bring us together. We're very family oriented with our kids, and we love to do certain activities together. One of the things we love is the ocean. We do love to go boating, and that was really important to me because I love the ocean so much to be able to share that with somebody. But we're very different human beings. Very different. And now I laugh about it, but at the time, I was like, I don't know. He's so different from me. Yeah, I look for opposites. I think opposites Attract.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

You said you have five kids. What do they all think of what their mom is doing these days?

Jill Hinckley:

Some think it's really fun and funny and some are like, I can't believe I'm not telling anybody you're doing this. No, it's. They're just my 15 year old. I embarrass her completely. My older kids are 25, 27, 28 and 30. So they're pretty proud of me because I'm, I'm having fun with this. And I ask them about all the apps. Okay, tell me how to use Bumble, because I'm not on these apps. I need them to teach me how to use these apps and then I pass that information on to my clients. So they're a big help to me. They're great.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Well, and to be fair, pretty much any 15 year old, probably 15 year old girl is probably going to have some embarrassment about a parent. So I doubt very much it's specific to your child and your professional. Well, you've gone through this four other times, so I'm guessing that you have a sense that it'll probably shift at some point.

Jill Hinckley:

Exactly. I hope so, yes.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

What is it that you hope to see your business do? You've been doing this for four years. You opened a business, you opened an office in Boston. Where do you hope to go from here?

Jill Hinckley:

Well, I want us to stay very personal. That's it. No, I don't want to be a big company, but I love being able to meet new people. It brings so much energy to my life and so much fun. And I work with my assistant, Carolyn Clement, who I work with, and she and I have. We talk about different clients together and who we should introduce to other people. We set up dates. I mean, I just. To keep it going the same way it's going right now would be the way I'd want to do it. Just as personal as possible.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Is it something that's easily scalable? I mean, when you think of business and you're doing something that's very personal and Caroline is doing something that's very personal, how many more offices in different cities could you actually support?

Jill Hinckley:

I don't think I'd want to. But yes, matchmakers do go big. There are some big matchmakers out there that are in New York, California. California. You can join a matchmaker and they can have multiple offices. So it's. The sky's the limit really, in this world. But I prefer to be a smaller matchmaker, more regional in who I'm working with than to have corporate Offices all over the country. But, yeah, you can. And I have clients that come to me that live that lifestyle, that say, I have a home in New York and I have a home in Maine, and I actually have a place in Santa Fe, New Mexico. So they might want to work with one of those big matchmakers, because they actually do have offices in all those locations. So actually, I do refer people to other matchmakers that are doing that. So that's why I say it's a very personal experience. Each matchmaker has a specialty. I do focus a lot on people that love to sail on the ocean, so I get a lot of that. I market kind of towards that client. Whereas other matchmakers will work with people that maybe travel a lot all over. I work with matchmakers in Europe. I'll have a client that lives in Portland, Maine, that travels a lot and wants to meet somebody outside of this country. So. So I'll set him up for her up with another matchmaker outside of this country. So it's a very vast network that you get to be part of when you join this. I'm part of the Matchmaker Institute, so we actually take this very seriously. And it's confidential information that we're sharing between matchmakers. And, yeah, it's been a very serious career. It's very fun. It's great.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

I had no idea that there was such a thing as a matchmaker institute

Jill Hinckley:

and a matchmaker conference. We meet every year and we collaborate, and we have guest speakers that talk about social media and all the different things that go with matchmaking.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

That must be a very social kind of experience, going to a matchmaker conference.

Jill Hinckley:

It's great.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

I mean, I go to town.

Jill Hinckley:

They're great people. They're really fun.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Well, I was gonna say, I go to doctor conferences. We're all a little bit withdrawn. So mostly we kind of sit by ourselves and occasionally smile at each other. But I'm thinking if you go to a conference, like, you're probably very outgoing

Jill Hinckley:

with one another, Right. And sometimes we bump into problems. I mean, there'll be things that will have, you know, a difficult situation that we're trying to navigate, and the matchmakers will help each other. We actually have a closed Facebook page that we talk to each other if there's something that comes up that we need to figure out or get someone else's advice. So that's another reason It's. I'm not alone when I'm doing this, so I don't know why I would need to expand too much because I have this resource right here that I can talk to matchmakers all over the world.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Jill, tell me about your one favorite success story.

Jill Hinckley:

My one favorite success story. I'm sure you have many, right? Okay. I have. I can't tell you anything about the person because. Because her life is very private. She was living outside of Augusta. She contacted me. She found me on the Internet. And she has a fascinating career, but I couldn't tell anybody what her career was. And I had to screen everybody extensively before they met her. So I had to make sure that they, you know, didn't have a criminal record, but they also couldn't have worked for certain state agencies, and they couldn't have. So it was. The screening process was really extensive that I was putting people through to meet her. And I was worried that, boy, I was going to scare people off because I couldn't tell them anything about her. But she was just so interesting, so intelligent. And I would be talking to her for hours on the phone, getting to know her. But then I couldn't tell the person that she was going to meet on the first date. Her last name. I mixed up her first name so that they would never be able to Google her and find her. And it was, like, very extensive process. And I think I set her up on three dates. By the third date, she met this guy that I had known. I had been meeting him. You talk about not being ready. He wasn't really ready. He had come in and I had met him, but there was timing. And then I just. I just had this moment where I thought, this guy is perfect for her. So I reached back out to him, set them up on a date, and, gosh, they were immediately. They were both a little quirky, but, oh, my gosh, they had so much fun. They connected on so many levels. And so for her to be so happy. And I actually think that they've been going. They've been spending. They've been together for several months now, and she'll check in with me and tell me how happy they are. And I'm just so happy because she really was one of those people that could not put herself out there at all and had to be really careful about who she met. So it does make it a little challenging for a matchmaker because I can't tell anybody much about her. So a lot of people are very apprehensive. But she's really happy, so I love that. So the other problem I have in matchmaking is I cannot give you much information about who I work with. So testimonials are hard because my clients want to have a pretty private experience with this, and I get that. So I'm pretty careful about not giving too much information out.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Well, it sounds to me like you have. You people that are coming to work with you would kind of understand that. That testimonials are just not going to be a thing, which is probably not the worst thing.

Jill Hinckley:

Right, right. Right. Although it's frustrating because I want to just, like, tell everybody how much fun this is and who I set up, but I can't. Sometimes I can. Sometimes I can tell people, but. And I ask them if it's okay if I can say that I introduced you or something. But, yeah, I've been doing it for four years now. So I have a lot of couples that have met each other and sometimes I lose track of them, too, because I might introduce them and sometimes people will meet and then they decide it's not a match, but then they connect later and then they are going out. I'm like, wait a minute. I thought so. Yes, people are moving around and a little bit hard for me to track them down.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Well, I appreciate your coming in and talking with me today. I've been speaking with Jill Hinckley, who is the owner of Hay Hinkley Introductions, a matchmaking and coaching agency based in Portland. Thanks for the work you're doing.

Jill Hinckley:

Thank you so much. That was really fun.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

It was really fun. I agree.