Mother’s Day, #87

Kim Kalicky:

I went pretty hard for a dozen years before I realized that I could actually give more to my family by fulfilling myself. And I'm not talking about things that are grand. I'm talking about the little things that speak directly to me, that energize me or give me the ability and the desire to do what I need to

Heidi Kirn:

do in my life, what we think we become. And so it was really important to me to not think of myself as a victim, to not think of myself as a sick person that was struck by cancer. It was more important to really acknowledge it, but quickly move forward and focus on positive things in everyday life. Really.

Michaela Cavallaro:

In Maine, women make 79 cents to every dollar that a man makes. And the idea is that they are working in the same job and that's a problem. It hurts women individually, Obviously it hurts women's famil and it hurts communities.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

This is Dr. Lisa Belisle and you are listening to the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour and podcast show number 87, Mother's Day, airing for the first time on Sunday, May 12, 2013. Each May we honor the moms who have made our lives possible. Most women find mothering to be among the most challenging and rewarding roles they will ever undertake. This week's Mom Honoring show includes guests Kim Kalicki, author of Mothers Fulfilled, Heidi Kern, cancer survivor and art director of Maine Home and Design, Maine Women's Fund CEO Sarah Ruf Lindquist and board member Michaela Cavallaro. I am fortunate to be surrounded by many wonderful mothers in my own life. My own mom, my my sisters who are mothers, my sisters in law who are mothers, and many women who are mothering the children who play with my own children. Mothering is a difficult role Sometimes it's the role that I've learned the most in myself. And I'm fortunate that my kids keep showing up to teach me all the things that I need to know to be the best mother possible so I'm fortunate today to be talking to women who are going to also continue to teach me the types of things that I, as a mother, could benefit from to be the best mother possible for my own kids. We hope you enjoy our interviews today with Kim Kalicki, Heidi Kern, Sarah Ruf Lindquist, and Mikayla Cavallaro, and let us know what you think. Mother's Day is the day that we honor the women who allow us to go forth and do good things in the world, whether these are women who are our biological mothers, these are women who are adoptive mothers, or even the mother figures who have helped raise us, our grandmothers and our aunts, or other special women in our lives. Kim Kalicki is herself a mother who has enabled two fine sons to go out and do good in the world, and she's bringing her message to other mothers through her book, Mothers Fulfilled. She's also the author of Away at a Camp in Maine, and she is the assistant vice president of Client Services at RM Davis right here in Portland. Thanks for coming in today, Kim.

Kim Kalicky:

Thank you for having me, Kim.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

This book, which just came out, so it's kind of hot off the press, called Mothers Fulfilled, it has snowflakes on the COVID And you said this was very intentional.

Kim Kalicky:

It was intentional. The snowflakes represent that every woman is unique. We should not try to follow the same path or have the same journey, that it's a beautiful thing that we are unique.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

This is one of the things that one of the passages that I kind of earmarked as I was going through, we women need to respect each other and each other's decisions. We are all needed in our world for what we can authentically bring. Diversity is wonderful for any group. And remember, we're all wired differently at our very cores. We could never live the same lives. We need to support and help one another, not criticize or pass judgment on what others are doing. After parenting this long, frankly, I've lost all sense of certainty. Our goal should be to do what is right for us and for our families to the best of our abilities. And then we should respect all women for the choices they make. That's sort of a core message I think, that you're trying to put forth.

Kim Kalicky:

It's absolutely a core message. And I actually had an agent turn me down because she said, you have to tell your reader what to do. And I said, I won't do that. I am just trying to share what my life has looked like, the reality of it, so that women can make their decisions from A platform of knowledge.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

You also used some interesting research. I believe that one of the things that you talk to very early on comes from the Shriver Report, which is a study by Maria Shriver and the center for American progress published in October 2009 that describes this notion that even though your story is unique and all women have unique stories, there's some research behind this.

Kim Kalicky:

Absolutely. And the Shriver Report was my reason for writing the book. Of the women my age whom I know, I am one of a handful who has worked full time all the way through. And the Shriver Report is a very comprehensive study on working families that I read with great interest. And in it, Maria coins the phrase it's a woman's nation because women are now more than 50% of the workforce. And what she says in the report is that women who look like me and who are trying to do what I have done for the last 22 years are now becoming more prevalent and may become the norm in society. And I felt such a responsibility to show women what that looks like because at the age of 51 and with 2020 hindsight, I don't think the track I have taken is the best route. And so in the book, I share the two things that I would do differently.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Well, talk to me about those two things.

Kim Kalicky:

Firstly, I would have worked less than full time for crucial periods in my life or my family's life, because we all had crucial periods and we had them at different times. I would have left my firm to do so. Like it's that important, I think. And for me, a four day work week would have been perfect where again, every woman is different. So maybe two days are better, maybe nine to three working days are better, but just a little flexibility in a very tight schedule. The second thing I would have done differently is sought my own fulfillment earlier than I did. I went pretty hard for a dozen years before I realized that I could actually give more to my family by fulfilling myself. And I'm not talking about things that are grand. I'm talking about the little things that speak directly to me that energize me or give me the ability and the desire to do what I need to do in my life.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

So what are some of those things for you?

Kim Kalicky:

Early on, it became running and 30 minutes in the morning. When my children were small, it was 20 minutes. And I found that that 20 minutes alone. And the harder my day, the faster I ran. Everybody got so much mileage out of my doing that it was 20 minutes. You know, it was not. It didn't take up a huge part of something I should have been doing for them, but yet they got so much from it. The tagline for my book is actually mothers fulfilled are more devoted givers. So we can actually give more to everyone by fulfilling ourselves.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

It also became important from reading your book that you spent time with other mothers, spent time with other women.

Kim Kalicky:

I would say my biggest piece of advice to women would be to have girlfriends. I am very fortunate in my life that I have girlfriends from middle school that watching how they do things, having them to support me, you know, give me a hug when I need it, give me advice, a laugh again. My family has gotten so much mileage out of the time that I spend face to face with my girlfriends.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

You also have a very good and collaborative relationship with your husband, who you also met, I think, when you were 13.

Kim Kalicky:

Yes, 13. I didn't mean to meet the right man the first time out of the gate, but I was mature enough to know it when I did. And again, why I worry about women trying to do what I have done is I have seen that the women who are successful at it, they have partners that are true partners that really do share in everything with the household. And they usually have a support system of family nearby. And I know that a lot of women don't have that. So that is again why I'm concerned for women trying to do what I have done. I have had a huge support system.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Now, your husband, I believe, was able to work hours, so he went in early and he came home early. So he was able to spend time with your sons in the afternoons during their formative years. And you also had a mother who took an early retirement and for a time helped take care of your boys. You paid her, but it really was a very sort of village like atmosphere.

Kim Kalicky:

Yes. And one of the themes of my book is interdependence and, and the importance of interdependence in your. You know, I think Stephen Covey, when he lists the phases of maturation, you know, at first you're dependent and then you become independent. Interdependence is actually a higher level. And, you know, that's where the one and one come together and make much more than two. So there's a lot of positives with working interdependently. And again, I think I'm a better mother because I do work. I would never want to not work. And I think that my children getting the benefit of having that relationship with my mother, with my husband, with daycare and other people in their lives, I think it's helped make them the well rounded people they are.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

And there was a comment that I believe one of your sons made about this very idea he did.

Kim Kalicky:

At one point I said to him, and this was not too long ago, you know, maybe five years ago, I said on a day off, oh, I so love having a day off. You know, I wish I worked part time. And I think he was 15 or 16 and he said, why would you want to do that? And I was incredulous because I thought, does he not see me as a chicken with my head cut off, never sitting down, like going, going. And what I discovered is he doesn't see me that way. He's not a son who feels neglected or. I think it has empowered my sons to see me do things for myself and work and I think it's encouraged them to do the same for themselves. It's been a positive.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

One of the things that you talk about is wishing that you could have worked four day weeks during the formative parts of your children's lives and you tried so hard to make this happen. You know, to read this for me was, well, something I could really relate to. I also have, I have a 19 year old son, 17 year old daughter, 12 year old daughter. And as a doctor I really wanted to be able to say, look, I'll come in, I'll be the best doctor I can for this many days a week. And then I just need to be able to spend time with my daughters. And I was able to make it happen somewhat. But medicine is a little bit like the financial world where it's hard. So it was somewhat heartbreaking to read the story about arranging to do a shorter work week with one of the managers and then having to go to Boston and have to defend it and hugely pregnant with your maternity dress on. And you know, you tried so hard to make it work.

Kim Kalicky:

I did and I, I. So another thing that I have tried to do in the book is I share what I would do differently. I share through stories and real family situations what it has looked like, the good and the bad. And then I try to share some tips for things that when I was in the thick of it, I didn't realize that it was a good idea. I can only see those things now as I look backward. And so I offer them to women. And one of the things that I share all the way through is how my husband and I both picked and chose and tried to negotiate for time. Like we shared when there was a sick child, you know, he would take one Time I would take the other time so that neither company felt we were, you know, not living up to their expectations. And we tried to schedule, you know, our hours and everything so that we could be with our kids as much as possible. And I did share in the book that a neighbor once said to me that for two full time working people, we seem to be home with our kids more than anyone she knows. And we haven't been. It's just that we've chosen very carefully.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

You did talk about that. You did talk about the fact that early on you spent time with your children, your husband, the rest of your family, and that was pretty much it. You really had to pull back and just prioritize, I'm going to do this, I'm going to do this, and all these other things I have to put away for right now.

Kim Kalicky:

That's right. And someone had said to me once, it seems like you have formed a very tight circle and it's very hard to get in that circle.

Heidi Kirn:

And.

Kim Kalicky:

And I hadn't thought of it that way until he said it. But I said, you're absolutely right. And that has come by design. My mother just called me on my birthday and she read who I am as a Taurus and whatever. And one of the things it said is that I am a realist. And so I think one thing I did know as I was going through is I knew my limitations and I had to pick and choose. I knew what was important to me.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Both you and your husband also bumped up against your limitations. One of the reasons you started running, from what you told me or from what you say in the book, is that your husband lost all of his hair at some point and he was completely stressed out. He was told that there was no reason for this happening other than stress. And you said, well, if he's not gonna run, I'm gonna run.

Kim Kalicky:

Yes. And I had no intention of running. I only did it because when he lost his hair, he completely shut down and he said, I will wait till I become myself again and then I will do the things I always did. Well, he's always been a runner and I knew that if stress was the cause of this, the worst thing he could do was stop running. So knowing how he likes to teach me, I thought, I will start running and he will want to give me tips.

Sarah Ruef-Lindquist:

And

Kim Kalicky:

he did exactly that. But his losing his hair was actually the reason I was able to get. When My sons were 2 and 6, my husband lost all his hair. My 2 year old was just starting daycare because my Mother had moved to Florida. She could no longer take care of my children. He wasn't taking to it. So we would leave each other crying every day because he was old enough to say, mommy, take me to my home, like it was bad. And then my first grader for the first time ever, said, mom, why don't you come into the classroom like the rest of the mothers do? And I said, what do you mean? And he said, well, you know, Jimmy's mom comes on Tuesdays and you know, James, mom comes at noon for snack and blah, blah. He had this whole schedule down. And so it was the combination of the three of them crashing all at the same time that I had to go to my employer and say, please, can I work four days?

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

There was some indication that this was going to be difficult pretty early on. Here's one paragraph. I had a bout of the blues after my first son was born. My doctor said it was not postpartum depression since it occurred four months after his birth, but was more likely exhaustion. Whatever it was, it was a scary few weeks of my life unlike any others I have had. I did not actually plan suicide, but I thought of death and would have welcomed it as an escape. That's a really powerful thing to say.

Kim Kalicky:

It is. And everything about being a mother has made me a better person. I have more empathy for people with depression or because of this tiny bout that I had, and I had a bout with both boys, actually, and it was a short period of time, thankfully, and I was able to function through it, although it was the hardest thing was not being able, you know, through fulfilling myself or running or whatever, but not being able to get myself out of it. I think that's the thing with depression. When you try to, you know, you try to do all the right things to shake it, and you can't. It's out of your control. So, again, that is a concern for mothers. I'm sure a lot are in the boat that I was in, and I'm thankful I came out of it.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

We'll return to our program in a Moment on the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour and podcast. We've long understood the important link between health and wealth. Here to speak more on the subject is Tom Shepard of Shepherd Financial.

[Unidentified voice]:

It's Mother's Day. What do you get for a person who carried your children for nine months? What do you get for a person who gave up her career to stay at home and take care of and raise those same children? What do you get for a person who gets up at, oh, dark 30 to create the extra time needed to care for herself, because that's what it takes. What do you get for the person who, after cleaning and cooking and caring for all the family, needs, still has time to respond to all of our wants? Our want for love and affection, our want for fun and laughter. Our want for spontaneity and surprise? What do you get for the mother who loves you as a friend and as a fan and supports you in your pursuit of. Of all your goals? What do I get from the most beautiful person I've ever known? What do I get? Funny how I think I should get anything. What do I give? Now I'm in the right frame of mind, the mind of a mother. Love is what we give. Be her friend, make sacrifices. Be a family, support her passions. Show her she's beautiful. And all of these are love. And that is what mom wants on Mother's Day. So today, don't call us. Call your mom.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

You've really been in what many would describe as a man's world. You are in the financial field and you have been your entire career. What has that been like? Trying to also simultaneously be a very good mother.

Kim Kalicky:

I grew up with all sisters, so grew up in a house of women. And now I say my entire adult life I have been surrounded by men. Again, huge positive overall for me, I think financial services is. It's hard driving. It's type A. It's not a lot of emotion. They work night and day. I did have a boss who said to me once, which at the time I was. I had to think about it a little bit. She said to me, you are about the most work focused person at work that I have worked with, who is a parent. And at first I thought, ooh, is that bad? Like that I'm too focused here. And then I thought, no, it's not bad because I Do it equally well at home. When I'm at home, I was focused at home and when I was at work, I was focused at work. So I think the men I've worked with like, because I have been very work focused. It has worked. But now at midlife, you know, I've started writing and I'm connecting with, you know, women writers. And that creative softer side is dying to get out at this time.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

At your place of work, one of your jobs was actually to. I'm gonna put manage, but in quotes, but to interact with other people and deal with their concerns and their situations. And that also struck me as a very almost mothering type role.

Kim Kalicky:

Oh, very much. I feel like as a supervisor and a manager and the go to person for questions. Both sides have offered things to the other. So sometimes in how I work with adults, I have been interested to see that perhaps they haven't been taught certain things. And so some of the things I was teaching my children, you know, big one is a well placed apology. I am amazed in the working world at people who cannot sincerely apologize for something they've done. And I taught that to my sons in the first grade and the importance of it. And it's not easy. Like that isn't an easy thing. But I think, you know, both sides of my life have contributed to what I've wanted to coach and teach the other side. I do think it's harder for mothers working too, when you are doing the same thing on both sides. And I think that especially is true for teachers like to teach small children all day and then go home to your own small children. There must be some really tough years there.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

I don't think I have run across anything that kind of gets so much to the core of just being human in the society, as does mothering and parenting. But really mothering and us just trying to negotiate what all of this looks like as the family continues to change and evolve and women are in the workplace. So I think it is. It's a touchy thing and everybody's got their own personal response to it. And so you're very brave to be putting this out there and saying, I don't have the answers. But here's been my experience.

Kim Kalicky:

Yes. And so my older son had told me, mom, you haven't really made it until you have any haters. So I am already at the place. I have received so much positive response from this book that, you know, if someone disagrees with me or whatever, I am totally fine with that because already what hit has given to people it was worth it. It was all worth it.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Do you have any tips for young mothers this Mother's Day?

Kim Kalicky:

Yes, do something that fulfills yourself. I also I wrote a blog this morning actually on my own mother and I said I don't care much about birthday presents or Christmas presents myself, but from the very first Mother's Day, some sort of recognition was very important. So I think women need to enjoy the day and do something special for themselves because the message of my book is that what you are doing as a mother matters maybe more than anything in this world. So it's so important that you're acknowledging, acknowledged for that, thanked for that, and are enjoying it.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Kim, how can people learn more about your writing and about your book?

Kim Kalicky:

My book is available right now where it is new on Amazon.com I am also a guide. I have been selected as a regular writer to Maria shriver.com they solicited me so someone can search for my name on Maria Shriver's website and can read additional pieces by me. I also write a blog. So if people Google Kim Kalicki. My first book is selling at the freeport store of L.L. bean. Again, a lot of positive I have grandfathers, they must google me and they email me about my first book and away at a camp in Maine and they say you captured it like I've bought it for my 13 grandchildren. And so a lot of fun with this writing.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Well, we've had a lot of fun with you and also learned a lot. I believe anybody who's listening who is either a mother herself or has some mother role or is somebody who supports a mother can benefit from the work that you're doing. We've been talking with Kim Kalicki, who is the mother of Mothers Fulfilled and also Away at a camp in Maine. We really appreciate your coming in and talking to us today.

Kim Kalicky:

Thank you for having me.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

The goal of the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour is to help make connections between the health of the individual and the health of the community. The goal of Ted Carter Inspired Landscape is to deepen our appreciation for the natural world. Here to speak with us today is Ted Carter.

[Unidentified voice]:

One of the things I often pay attention to is my dreams. My dreams are something that speak volumes to me and nature speaks to us constantly through our dream states. An incident that happened just recently was I had a very prolific dream about spiders and a spider in particular. And I woke up and I thought, well, that's interesting. I'm going to have to look that up. And I always go to Ted Andrews Animal Speaks book for the information. And I no sooner was able to reach for that book than one of my employees came in who works for me in my landscaping company and said, boy, I had a dream about a spider last night. And I said, charlie, what was that? And he said, oh, it bit your dog, and your dog went into a convulsive state. And I said, you're kidding. I said, well, I dreamt about a spider. I said, well, there's some, some significance here. So I went and checked on spider in the Ted Andrews book. And spider is the weaver. And it links the past and the future, the symbol of infinity, actually. It teaches us to maintain balance between the past and the future, teaches us that everything you do now is weaving what you will encounter in the future. So in a sense, it's getting us to wake up. It's also about assertiveness of the creative force. So these are little signs in nature that come to us in our dream states and they're something to pay attention to. I am Ted Carter, and if you'd like, you can contact me@tedcarterlandscapes.com we'll return

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Well, it's Mother's Day, and as the mother of three, I know that that has taken up a really important part of my life. I consider it probably my most important role. And I suspect that the woman who's sitting across the microphone from me today also considers her mother in one of her most important roles. In addition to being the art director for Maine Home and Design magazine, Heidi Kern is a mother of two and is a cancer survivor. And as a relatively young woman, I think she feels like she has something to be thankful for every day.

Heidi Kirn:

Yes, absolutely.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Thanks for coming in and talking with us about this today.

Heidi Kirn:

Thanks for having me.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

So it's been a year.

Heidi Kirn:

It has been a year.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Yeah. Tell me about this. I mean, you are, you're young and you have your children. Lily is 11, Charlie is nine. You have a young family. You're the art director for Maine Home and Design magazine. I mean, you have this what would seem to be a fairly normal and possibly idyllic life living in Maine. And then one day something happens, and it changes everything for you.

Heidi Kirn:

Absolutely. It was completely unexpected, completely out of the blue. You know, I lived what I consider to be a very healthy lifestyle. And so it was really just a complete shock and really a fluke that it was that I discovered that I had cancer. And lucky that I discovered it when I did.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

So what was it and how did you discover this? What was sort of paint a picture for the people who are listening?

Heidi Kirn:

Well, I noticed that I had a hard bump that I hadn't noticed before on my chest. And, you know, at first you think. You just. You don't think much of it. And then I went to my doctor, and they felt it as well. So they sent me for a mammal because it seemed that that would be the logical thing to do. But the mammal didn't show anything. And so I thought, great, you know, everything's fine. And about four or five months passed, and it was still there. And it was kind of nagging at me. Why, you know, how come. What is this? And my daughter had broken her elbow, and we were making trips down to Boston Children's because she needed surgery, emergency surgery. And I kept walking by Dana Farber Cancer center, and just something was nagging at me to have it checked. And so that's how, you know, upon further CAT scans and exploration, that's how it was discovered.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

What type of cancer was.

Heidi Kirn:

Was a type of sarcoma, a very rare bone cancer. I mean, one that's probably diagnosed, you know, less than 200 times in a year. It's just a very random, you know, no known cause, bizarre type of cancer.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

It's a funny thing because you're describing this rare cancer in a young woman, and you don't even have the camaraderie. Not that it's a great camaraderie to have, but of, say, the women who have breast cancer or you don't even have the people, the great many people who have suffered from lung cancer. I mean, you're dealing with a pretty strange and different cancer. And it must have felt pretty alone.

Heidi Kirn:

It was, you know, it was just shocking. And the first thing I started doing was googling. And I did find this one support group of people with chondrosarcoma, the type of sarcoma that I had. And there weren't that many members on the group, say a few hundred, but it was really. I don't know if reassuring is the right word, but I did take some comfort in finding other people that had gone through this and, and also in the same location, because the particular. It turned out that it was on a rib, which is why it didn't show up in the mammo, because it was not in the breast. It was actually on my rib. And so that's not a normal location for it either. But there were some people in very far away places who had the same situation. And so they were welcome to the club. You never wanted to join, but it was nice to find them.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Were they ever able to offer any satisfactory explanation as to why you might have this strange sarcoma?

Heidi Kirn:

No, there's really no explanation. Sometimes it could be possibly related to a trauma that just was, you know, that maybe caused the mutation to start growing, but really, no, there's no known reason. And very likely had been a slow growing tumor.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

So what's that like to not have any idea why it is? I mean, at least with some other types of cancers, there are risk factors, you know, say smoking. For some people who have lung cancer, smoking is a risk factor. Not everybody, but in your case, there's no risk factors, there's no known cause. So what's that like to deal with this uncertainty and the fact that there will always likely be uncertainty around this?

Heidi Kirn:

It's a bit frustrating. It's also interesting how many people. I think one of the ways that people deal with it is they want to know. You know, they're like, well, did you eat? You don't eat organic food or you don't exercise or. I think people want to. People want to find a reason and there just isn't one. And so there's really. No, it was frustrating, but at the same time, I've just accepted that there, you know, it's a random happening.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

So that's funny. So the frustration, I mean, there is this uncertainty in your mind, but it's perhaps even more difficult because there's this uncertainty in other people's minds around you.

Heidi Kirn:

Yes, I think the fear, you know, everybody's. It's a scary thing to hear of somebody young and, you know, parents, other parents hearing it. You know, I think it's natural to want to sort of find a cause for.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Right. Almost as if people can say to themselves, well, you know, Heidi did this and that's why she has cancer. I don't do that. So therefore, I will never get cancer. Some way of sort of, I don't know, insulating yourself somewhat from this unexpected act. And yet you had somebody right here at Maine magazine, Maine Home Design, that also had cancer and was a young woman and had Gone through this process. Not too far ahead of you, actually. Rebecca Falzano was on our show, I believe, last November. So was that helpful to have somebody who had gone through something, this strange cancer experience as a young person?

Heidi Kirn:

It was. It was helpful. It was. Rebecca was incredibly supportive, as was everyone, you know, here at the magazine. But having the personal experience was just a little comforting and, you know, knowing that she was okay and back, you know, back to her regular, her life. Oddly enough, we ended up at the. With the exact same practice, the exact same hospital, had surgery, you know, oh, you know, I was on that floor. And so in those little ways, too, it was comforting to kind of, oh, you should eat here. And, you know, you can get, you know, a good salad here. And so even those small type of things, the smaller things that you don't necessarily think about.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Maine Magazine, Maine Home Design brand company and all, called the Maine Media Collective, I think altogether employs fewer than 20 people, and yet they were able to somehow pull together and make things work so that you could go and do what you needed to do. Rebecca could go and do what she needed to do and at the same time, keep producing magazines every month and putting on events. That says something about the people who work here.

Heidi Kirn:

It says so much, right? I mean, from the moment that I went in to talk to Kevin Thomas, the publisher, and Susan Grisonti, the editor in chief, the support that they had, it was, take the time you need. We care about you. We want you to be well. You know, your health is the most important thing. And everybody stepped up. Katie Gable, the art director of Maine magazine, didn't even blink an eye and said, I will, you know, I'll do whatever I need to do. And she literally, you know, with the support of the rest of the staff, put out two magazines, and it was a really busy time, so. And Rebecca, of course, took on extra responsibilities to cover for me while I. While I was having the surgery and recovering.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Why do you think the people that you work with here are as supportive as they are? I mean, it might seem like kind of a strange question, but I think in this day and age, we often look at the workplace as the place where we go to work and then we leave and we go home and we separate them out in our minds. But people actually had to be more like friends to you in order to really make this happen.

Heidi Kirn:

I think that because we're a small staff, we've, you know, we really have gotten to know each other, and we all really love what we do here, and it just is never really a question. We always cover for each other. And I think that that's part of the community that both Kevin and Susan, you know, each week in our meetings, I think that's one of the things that they try to stress is that it's not, you know, it's a community. It's not this is this one person's job. It's that we're all a team.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Any last thoughts for people who are listening here on this Mother's Day show,

Heidi Kirn:

it's important to always focus on the positive and to not be stuck in the past and the negative and to just move forward.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Well, I can attest to the fact that you do embody exactly what you've said, because I've known you long enough now that you live your life exactly the way you've described. And this is something that is very meaningful because people can say things and people can say that they believe things, but it's truly the people who don't often say much, but they live their lives in a way that really reflects a deeper set of core values. So I really appreciate your coming in in and talking to us today about your experience.

Heidi Kirn:

Thank you. Thank you for having me.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

And for those who would like to learn more about what you do for work every month, Maine Home Design Magazine as the art director, they can get a glimpse of all of the inspiration that you offer to the state of Maine. So thank you for doing that.

Heidi Kirn:

Thanks.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

And we've been talking with Heidi Kern, art Director of Maine Home Design Magazine. Happy Mother's Day, everyone. We on the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour and podcast hope that our listeners enjoy their own work lives to the same extent we do and fully embrace every day. As a physician and small business owner, I rely on Marcy Booth from Booth, Maine to help me with my own business and to help me live my own life fully. Here are a few thoughts from Marci

[Unidentified voice]:

so did you ever wonder why geese fly in a V formation when they head south for the winter? Amazingly, they know that a V pattern increases their speeds by more than 70% versus flying in another pattern or alone. When in formation, they share the leadership and have a mutual respect for their common goal, which is to arrive safely at their destination. They equally divide the hardest tasks, gather their faculties and combine their resources and talents. This unified effort, their formation, makes the journey easier. Less energy is expended because they are all working together for a common cause. When the leader tires, he goes back to the end of the formation and another team member takes the lead. Each goose or a member of the team uses their voice or quack to encourage the leader to stay focused and to keep organized. So how does the V formation of migrating geese apply to running your business or your household? In a word team, a group working together to accomplish and achieve the same goal. With mutual respect and understanding, those teams will always come out ahead. Unlike the lowly seagull who scavenges and shouts mine only looking out for its own best interest without ever seeming to get anywhere. Geese are unified and always looking out for each other, applying the law of least effort and gaining the most. It's a lesson we all could learn. I'm Marcie Booth. Let's talk about the changes you need. Boothmain.com

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Today in the studio we have with us Sarah Ruf Lindquist, who is the CEO of the Maine Women's Fund and also Michaela Cavallaro, who is on the board of the Maine Women's Fund. And it's especially appropriate because today happens to be Mother's Day and it's all about women and mothers and really being appreciative of the things that it takes to be a woman supporting herself in this world and encouraging her family to support, I guess, itself in this world. So thanks so much for coming in and being a part of our show today.

Michaela Cavallaro:

Thanks.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

So the Maine Women's Fund. Talk to me about that.

Sarah Ruef-Lindquist:

The Women's Fund was established in 1989 by a group of women who felt that there needed to be a focused philanthropy for women and girls in Maine, as there was in many other parts of the country. And since then, the Women's Fund has awarded a little over $1.7 million in grants to organizations supporting women and girls. Currently, our focus is on overcoming challenges to economic security.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Mikayla, you have a background in finance and I think economic Security is pretty important to you, and perhaps that may be one of the reasons why you're so involved in the Women's Fund. One of the things that I know has been out there for a while is this knowledge that men and women don't make the same amount of money.

Michaela Cavallaro:

Right? Yeah. The gender pay gap is something that has gotten under my skin for a long time. And so in Maine, women make 79 cents to every dollar that a man makes in the. The idea is that they are working in the same job and that's a problem. It hurts women individually, obviously. It hurts women's families and it hurts communities. That's the type of thing that our grant making at the fund seeks to change over time.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

So what are some of the projects that you've supported? I know that you just had a grant cycle finish in January. January, you awarded grants in March. What are some of the more recent grants that have gone out this year?

Sarah Ruef-Lindquist:

We had a grant. I want to give it to you. A grant making cycle that awarded $75,000 to organizations like A Company of Girls, which is a theater program here in Portland to expand their after school visual and theater arts program for elementary through high school age girls. One of our longtime grantees is Hardy Girls Healthy Women in Waterville. And we last year and this year supported their Adventure Girls program which helps girls get in touch with women doing a lot of non traditional work and actually go on site and hear from them and see the work that they do. The Women's Policy center, working to Change Policy in Augusta, the Margaret Chase Smith center, where we support the Maine New Leadership Program, which brings college age women into an opportunity to learn about what it would be like to run for office and other organizations that are somewhat new to us. The Real School. And supporting their STEM education program for Girls Trekkers, which is in the Mid coast and Expedition Expeditionary Learning Program. And another perennial grantee of ours, Women Work in Community, which used to be called the Displaced Homemakers.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Well, actually, that's fascinating because that really does sort of reflect this cultural shift that we've made from thinking about women as homemakers to thinking about women as actually working within the community. You also have been involved with the community school.

Michaela Cavallaro:

Yes, and I was just telling Sarah it's one of my favorite programs to talk about. We've funded them for the last couple years. We also funded their expansion into Washington County a couple years ago. And in particular we fund a program called Passages, which supports teen parents, most of whom obviously are teen moms, who have major challenges in finishing school and getting an education, let alone parenting. And so the way that this program works is that trained teachers visit the teen parents at their homes and guide them to complete their coursework and also simultaneously help them with parenting issues, with logistics of daily life. So the young women who then this program touches end up with a high school diploma and some real support as they navigate the tricky task of being a really young mom. And so it's a very labor intensive, time intensive program that makes real change.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Sarah, you have a very long list of impressive degrees. Actually, both of you do. You both have a wealth of experience. You both have been involved. Sarah, you have a background as I don't know if you are a practicing attorney, but you certainly you received your law degree. And Mikayla, you were the former editor of Maine Biz. You've been a board member with the Salt Institute. And why do this? Why is this so important to each of you?

Sarah Ruef-Lindquist:

Well, you know, that wage gap is something that is, in spite of, inspiring to me. And so I feel very strongly that we need to level that playing field for women and girls. And Maine is such a wonderful place to live and be and it should be as wonderful a place to live and be for boys, girls, men and women. So I think we have a really important mission in terms of making this adjustment society and making it a just society for the future.

Michaela Cavallaro:

Yeah, all of that resonates with me. I also, I've been involved with women's issues and passionate about women's issues since college. So going on longer than I would like to admit, I'm not going to do the math right now. And so that's always been just a core part of my values. And then, and seven years ago this week, I had a little girl and that really sort of renewed my passion for women's issues and for making sure that she has every opportunity open to her that the little boy across the street has. And it's been entertaining to watch her grow up. We were watching an episode of the West Wing recently and she happened to to be in the room and she plopped down on the couch and said, daddy, there are a lot of men in this show. And okay, let's have a conversation about that. So, you know, I want to have those conversations with her and I want other kids to have those conversations.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

How can people find out about the Maine Women's Fund?

Sarah Ruef-Lindquist:

Well, we have a fabulous marketing and communications committee that is chaired by none other than, than Mikayla Cavallaro. And they work very hard to make connections with organizations like yours. Dr. Lisa and other media outlets and are getting ready to tackle the website and revisit that. People can go to the MaineWomensFund.org and learn about us. We have offices in Portland and in Cambridge, Camden, and we are open to hearing from people whether they want to become involved. We have an extensive list of committees. We are developing regional groups of volunteers throughout the state. We just concluded a needs assessment over the winter to learn about the needs of women and girls in 14 out of the 16 counties in Maine. So no matter where people are in Maine, we would love to hear from them. If they're interested in the work that we do or learning more, all they have to do is write or call.

Michaela Cavallaro:

And there are a few tickets still left for the luncheon. If I'm correct right, there are about

Sarah Ruef-Lindquist:

100 out of the 600 left, so get them while they're hot.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

And what will you be doing on Mother's Day?

Michaela Cavallaro:

That is a very good question. I have decreed that I will not be cooking or cleaning and there will probably be some combination of some family time and some time where I get to be blissfully by myself. If I can get the puppy, the child will be fine. If I can get the puppy on board with this plan, that will be the big accomplishment.

Sarah Ruef-Lindquist:

We're very fortunate that Flatbread Pizza has a fine fundraiser for us on Mother's Day, and I think it's $3 of every pie that they sell will go to the Women's Fund and we really appreciate that. We'll have volunteers there for most of the day to share information about the fund and thank people for coming in.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Well, thank you so much for coming in and talking to us on our Mother's Day show. We've been talking with Sarah Ruf Lindquist, who is the CEO of the Maine Women's Fund, and also Michaela Cavallaro, who is a board member of the Maine on the the Maine Women's Fund. So we appreciate your doing this great work for the State of Maine.

Sarah Ruef-Lindquist:

Well, thank you for having us and happy Mother's Day.

Michaela Cavallaro:

Thanks.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

You have been listening to the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour and podcast show number 87, Mother's Day. This week's Mom Honoring show has included guests Kim Kalicki, author of Mothers Fulfilled, Heidi Kern, cancer survivor and art director of Maine Home and Design, Maine Women's Fund CEO Sarah Ruf Lindquist and board member Michaela Cavallaro. For more information on our guests, visit drlisabelisle.com the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour and Podcast is downloadable for free on itunes for a preview of each week's show. Sign up for our e Newsletter and like our Dr. Lisa Facebook page. You can also follow me on Twitter and Pinterest and read my take on health and well being on the Bountiful blog. We love to hear from you, so please let us know what you think of the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour. We welcome your suggestions for future shows. Also let our sponsors know that you have heard about them here. We are privileged that they enable us to bring the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour to you each week. This is Dr. Lisa Belisle hoping that you have enjoyed our Mother's Day show and also hoping that you take the time to honor the mothers and mother like family in your own life. That's what I'll be doing today. Happy Mother's Day to my mom and my sisters, my sisters in law and all the women that I know who do such a great job raising their kids. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your world. May you have a bountiful life.

[Unidentified voice]:

Sa.