Roots of Humanity #197

Virginia Dearani:

I'm very upfront with them around how the world needs lots of love and they all have that ability to be a peace ambassador. So I give them that language and that thought process at 3, 4 and 5 so that they know they have that skill set not with any pressure, but with an empowerment that they feel like, wow, I can do something at five years old.

Deqa Dhalac:

I think it's really very important for people to understand at least to welcome these people in where they are and just think what story that person has and they are happy to be here. Although a lot of people doesn't know the fact of what they go through and how hard it is for them to be here, they are happy. They're really happy to be here. Everyone you see has a story.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

This is Dr. Lisa Belisle and you are listening to Love Maine Radio Show 197, Roots of Humanity, airing for the first time on Sunday, June 21, 2015. Maine has always welcomed individuals of diverse backgrounds. Whether we are offering a home to those seeking asylum from oppressive regimes in their countries of origin or to those who simply want to experience the way life should be. Our openness becomes a gift to all involved, most especially ourselves. Today we speak with Decca Dhalak, Human Services Counselor for the City of Portland, and Virginia Diyarani, founder and Director of the Roots and Fruits Program in South Portland, about the work they are doing to further cultural understanding in our state. Thank you for joining us. Many of the wonderful guests we have on Love Maine Radio come to us by way of our good friends in the community. One of our good friends is Steve Kelly, who is the Associate publisher for Maine Magazine, Maine Home Design, Old Port Magazine, and he's a close friend of Decca Dhalik who is our guest today. She is a human service counselor for the City of Portland Social Services Division and works closely with survivor of torture clients, including refugees and asylum seekers that are seeking assistance from the City of Portland's Refugee Services program. Steve has wonderful things to say about you. So your reputation precedes you. You are doing really good work within the community. Thank you for coming in and taking time out of your day to speak with us.

Deqa Dhalac:

Oh, it's my pleasure to be here. Thank you so much for inviting me. And I cannot thank enough for Steve for doing this. I was wondering who invited me in this great radio that I never heard of. So I'm really honored.

Virginia Dearani:

You have.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Apparently the way that you and Steve know each other is that you have children together at the Friends school, correct?

Deqa Dhalac:

Yeah. My daughter and Steve's son goes to French school. They're both eighth graders.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

It's exciting what's happening for you right now because if you both have 8th graders, you're heading to that next level. All of your kids are going to be high school or older.

Deqa Dhalac:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she cannot wait to get out of middle school. I don't know why. I also have two boys. My oldest son is 22 years old and he goes to USM and I have a 15 year old who is a sophomore at Baxter. So she sees her brothers being in high school and college. And I think last night she talked about going to college and she talked about in New York. I said, can we go to high school first, then we can talk about college after that. So she is really excited.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

When you and I were speaking before, you talked about setting the bar high for your kids, creating expectations. You've done a lot of things in your life because you believe that your kids can meet those expectations.

Deqa Dhalac:

Yeah, correct. I think if your children have a good role model in you, I think they can do even better than what you're doing. So, for example, I volunteer to different places. So I tell them, okay, you need to volunteer. For example, my son, my oldest son, we Muslims, so we fast. So the month of Ramadan, I make him volunteer for the Purple street soup kitchen. And he was starving, but he was serving people. So he was like, it's not right, Mom. Because he's an American kid, he was born in the United States, and I think food is everything. And it's like, it was so hard, I couldn't do it. But I said, but that will build your mind power so much to be able to do that and serve people. I said, did you felt like Hungry or did you feel like empowered by serving people who does not have where to sleep, does not have anything to eat? And he, you know, think that for a minute and said, you know what, that make a lot of sense, ma'. Am. Because I was not thinking about them, I was thinking about me at the time. But I know what you're saying. So I just let them volunteer in different places. For my daughter, she volunteered for cultivating communities when they were trying to do their garden in Boyd Street. So for my 15 year old, I make him volunteer for cleaning up beach. I think it was for school based things. So I try to make sure they do a lot in the community so they can be better people and better citizens to their community.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

I really love that your son is fasting himself during Ramadan and he is going to the Preble street soup kitchen serving people food and having to really create that kind of connection for himself and what it really feels like to be hungry. Like he already knows what it feels like to be hungry. But what if you're somebody who always is hungry?

Deqa Dhalac:

Exactly. That was the whole point that he needed to learn and he learned that and he said that make a lot of sense. Mom, you're right.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

You came to the United States in 1990.

Deqa Dhalac:

Yes, 1990.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

And you came to Maine 10 years ago.

Deqa Dhalac:

Yes.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Tell me a little bit about that journey.

Deqa Dhalac:

So I came to the United States in 1990 and we lived in Atlanta, Georgia and my kids were born in Atlanta, Georgia. Some of my oldest son's friends say that he still has his southern accent, but I don't see that. So we moved in Maine about 10 years ago and actually my uncle used to live here. Not here in Portland, but in Lewiston. And he said it's really great place for children, for families, and I think it's really great for education wise. So I look into that because at the time I wanted to do my graduate, my master's and I did not have that time because your whole time ends by driving from work to home and picking kids and there's no time for you to do anything else. So I looked into it and I find out even the education level of the south and the north were even different when it comes to children. So. So I said, you know, let me just check it out. And we went to Lewiston and I liked it because it was very small, you don't have to travel much. So I said, I like it here. So I moved about 10 years ago. I wish I found this place 20 years ago. We would have moved in here 20 years ago.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

And you liked Lewiston so well that the only reason that you moved to South Portland was because you took on this new job. And it was in Portland.

Deqa Dhalac:

Yes, because I got my job from the city of Poland in 2007. And the traveling was really difficult. You know, traveling back and forth. It was really great job. What I used to do was do life skills aid. That job was to teach New Mainers how to be safe in their own house. Because most of those people came from refugee camps in Kenya or Uganda or Ethiopia. And none of them might never been cooked in a stove. So we were showing them how to turn it on, turn it off, how to save their children from chemical cleaning things, how to lock their cabinets and things like that so that the children will be safe. So that was a great job. It was a part time kind of thing. So after, I think a year later, I got a full time job at public health department for the city, working with again community refugees and immigrant folks. Public Health Division Minority Health Program, that's the program name. So I was working closely with folks with their health and wellness. So I think that's what your program talks about more. So I stayed in that job for two years working close, closely with people with their health. And we did so many different programs and I was so proud of that. So after that I go back to my roots for the refugee services because I love that program because what we do is extremely helpful. Not that minority health is not. It's really a big program. But the environment for the refugee services was different and always you doing something hands on. So we got a Survival of Torture grant about six years ago where we partner with community Counseling Center. But now it's Maine Behavioral Health and Catholic Charities of Maine. And last year, I think a couple of years ago we added to Tri County Mental Health. So we work with people from Portland and also Lewiston. So I think that's where my passion is, just helping those people who really go through a lot of trauma. And I cannot talk about that because it's long, long stories. But if you ask questions about that, I would be more than happy to answer that.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Well, I am interested in that because I know that we, many of us are aware of trauma that say our soldiers go through when they are at war or trauma, the trauma of domestic issues. But you're talking about something very extreme. You're talking about significant traumas that maybe we don't even think about when we see a New Mainer. We don't even realize that this might be in Their background.

Deqa Dhalac:

Yeah, I mean, well, you're right. So some of the traumas that these people go through is that they get oppressed because of their ethnicity, because of their tribe, because of their beliefs for government. So. So if I go back to my country about 20, 30 years ago, people cannot say anything. If you say something, you either get killed or jailed for no reason. So a lot of people have that fear of saying anything. But those who are really brave and said, okay, whatever happens, happens. I don't care, I believe this. They say something in a public safety settings and they get really get that punishment of it once they do that. So they get in jail. And some of them, I mean, I hear so many horrible things that people have been put in electric shocks and mentally and physically and sometimes sexually abused and there's nothing they can do about it. So it's really hurtful sometimes the stories that we hear.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

And so your organization, your grant is called Survivor of Torture. So you're talking about survival. How do you help people survive and really try to integrate with this new life that they're building when they come to me, absolutely.

Deqa Dhalac:

So what we do is we get referral. So first time, when we get the grant, we did a lot of different workshops to different agencies, hospitals, and tell them that we have this program. So we need you to refer your clients if you see this, if they ever tell you that they have been tortured or detained or if they are survivors. So we get all kind of referrals. Once we get a referral, we do an intake for that person. We talk to that person and ask them two questions. The grant is from the Office of Refugee Resettlement oor. And they are required to ask two questions. Have you ever been detained? Have you ever been tortured? So sometimes you cannot say those questions right off the bat and just. But you have to talk to people in a nicer way and they have to have that trust in you. And once they see that you are a trustworthy person, then they will answer that question. Unfortunately, some of them might say, yes, I was tortured but not detained. So that person is not qualified for the program, unfortunately, although they go through horrible things. But the color of the law where the grant is based on says those two questions has to be yes. So for example, if the two questions are yes, then we have to refer that person to our clinician who's at Main Behavioral Health and his name is Paul Rivier. So Paul will detail, ask that person questions and verify. If they not verify, more like screen them and ask them detailed questions that will Say yes, this person is the survivor of torture or no, he or she is not. So when this Paul determines and says that yes, this person is a survivor of torture victim, then we start doing a case management. If they have a work permit, we do employment services, we do a well, well being program that we have with the Y. So they get free card that we pay, actually the city pays for that. And that person gets exercises and they get swimming so that they can forget what happened if they could. I'm sure they're not going to forget that. But at least that takes some burden off because they got busy with doing all of these other things. And also Paul gives them one on one counseling every week. So it goes like that.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

I'm wondering how it must be for people to remain connected to their culture, to their identity, their family identity, especially if they come from a place where they experienced torture. But even if they didn't, how has it, how does that maybe answer it from your standpoint? How has it been for you to maintain a sense of family and culture and original identity?

Deqa Dhalac:

So for me, most of the Somali people that you see in Maine are here legally. They're here with. They go through tens and 20 years of refugees coming from flooding from the civil war in Somalia and going to Kenya and places like that. And then when they come to the United States and the United nations of High Commissioner of Refugees bring them to different countries. Let's talk about in the United States, when they come here, they go where most of Somalis are. So for example, I had a client, not a client, I had a family who came from Las Vegas about two weeks ago. And it was mom, dad and three children. And he said, we were taken to Las Vegas, we didn't know anyone. There is no Somali people. We were told there are Somali people in Maine. So, so we know one person. So we came. So what happened is when a refugee comes to the United States, they got. Each person gets $1,200. So they take whatever they have the money and travel to Maine. So they came here, nothing. So we have to find them a shelter. We have to. So I'm going to go back to your point for the family and identity. So I asked. It was five, almost like the end of the day. And I had to run to pick up my kids from school. So I work 8 to 3. So it was, I think it's like 250 or something. So I said, okay, tell me your tribe. And he, he tells me his tribe. So I called somebody I know that is his tribe. I Said, hey, I have this family. They don't know anybody here. They don't know where to go. And I am, I have to go to pick up my children. So. But I want you to come down here and take them and give them the resources that they need and they can come back to me tomorrow so that I can better serve them. And that person came within 10 minutes, pick them up, take them and did everything that they needed. So that culture, that family is always here with us. It never left us. And I felt, so. How do you say it? Passionate about that, about. I think it was a couple of nights ago we went to us and they had that. It was the American Native Americans program that they were talking about children taken away from their homes like 100 years ago and then again back in the 70s and washed out all their tribal rights, their culture. And I felt so bad, I said, oh my God, if they're taken away from me, I don't know what to do. So going back to other folks who are in this state, like the Rwandese Burundees, Congolese Sudanese, we always try to be in the same area. That's why you see a lot of people coming in Maine, because there are people that they know who are here and they want to be here because there's a community that's already formed and they don't want to stay in places like Las Vegas or Vermont and in New Hampshire, which is like there's none. I mean, there is some, but it's not a lot. Yeah. So it's always being where those communities are. We always travel in those places.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

and it should be noted that the reason that your father thought you were enough was that you were the girl and you had two brothers. And he said, this is the girl that we want. This is enough.

Deqa Dhalac:

Yeah, yeah. And that was it. No more kids, only three. Said you should have just didn't say something else and then you have more kids. He said, no, he was very well educated man and he believed that whatever God gives you is what you keep.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Did he come to the United States as well?

Deqa Dhalac:

No, no, but he did went to a lot of different countries because he was the head of the petroleum agency back home long, long time ago. And he actually was put in jail for so many different times because he was always outspoken and saying some things that the government was doing was wrong. So we get used to him being taken back and forth. So I guess I attracted the fact that the survival torture program kind of resolved resonates with me because of that fact. So. Yeah.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Where are your parents now?

Deqa Dhalac:

My mom was staying with us for a long time, so she just went back to Africa. Somalia. But my father died 1989. So. Yeah.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

So he passed away just before you came here?

Deqa Dhalac:

Yeah, just before. And some of his things was to make sure that I get out. And he didn't want me to get hurt or anything because a lot of things what's happening? And he said, that's my. What I'm asking you for my cousins and for my uncle is just to make sure that she gets out, don't cut up. He said, I don't care about the boys. They're boys, they can handle themselves. But take my kid out. That's what he said. So my cousins really took that and my uncles very heavily and make sure that I would get out.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Decca, as we're talking, I'm wondering this question myself and I think other people who are listening are wondering and that is, how can we help? What do people who are coming to Maine, what do they need?

Deqa Dhalac:

So we have different folks who are coming to Maine. So there are different types of folks who come here, like I said. So the primary refugees are coming straight from refugee camp. So when they come to the States, they are being taken care of by the Catholic Charities of Maine. They are the ones who supposed to be giving them their services and all that resources that they need. Once they are here in the country for one year, Catholic cherries are done with them and say, okay, now you are secondary migrants, so you have to get your services from refugee services, which is the city of Portland. So mainly we service those who are secondary migrants. Let's say there are folks who are in all over the country, Philadelphia, Chicago, Atlanta. So if they stayed in Atlanta for, let's say, 10 months, and they said, I don't have my community here, my community is in Maine, then they have the right to move and come to Maine. And then we become their service providers, the city of Portland Refugee Services. And then we have another set of folks who are asylum seekers. Those people are people who are running from persecution from their country and stating that I cannot go back to my country because of these factors. So those people, there is no agency that have any money to be provide any services for them. So we have to look into them and talk to them and ask them those two questions that I talked about for the survivor of torture program. Then once we say, yes, these people are eligible for the program, then we provide for those services. Those who are not survivor of torture, we give them resources that they can go around and see if they can get help from other different agencies. And there are other set of people who we call, or the immigration system calls them lottery visa winners. Every year the immigration USCSI says, okay, we are opening for lottery for Sudan, for Chile, for Cuba, you know, in general speaking. So they will say, okay, we are offering 10,000 FISA lottery visas to this country and maybe five or 10 people will win that. Those, when they come to the United States, they are not eligible for any benefits from. From the United States. So they have their green cards, they have their work permits, they have everything done for them. And then they just go and get a job their own. And unless they're like older people who need health care. Health care. But then they have to provide their information, information, and we have to fill out applications for them and see if the SSI Social Security offices can help them or not. So it depends what their overall is. But if they're young and they can work and they have their work permit, they just go straight and work because we cannot give them any benefits, whether it is the state level or federal level.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

From what I understand, Catholic Charities does accept donations so that people who are coming directly to Maine, if they're in need of something, people can donate to Catholic Charities, correct?

Deqa Dhalac:

Yes.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

So what types of things are people needing?

Deqa Dhalac:

So one of the important things that they need is winter clothing when they come here. They don't know nothing about the winter. And people get shocked. I remember one client of mine one time was so serious in her face, she said, it doesn't make any Sense it's sunny out, look at the sun. But this, this ice is not melting. How come? You know, so because they're coming from Africa and it's so hot and humid, everything get melt her side, it's a different sun. This is the main winter and the sun is just for light. It doesn't melt anything. So it's amazing stories that you hear every day. So I get really pleasure out of listening to people and, you know, just seeing and they are happy to be here. Although a lot of people doesn't know the fact of what they go through and how hard it is for them to be here. They are happy. They're really happy to be here. So yeah, they, they accept those donations for winter clothing and things like that. And also they have a program for, I think they call it Friends of New Mainers. I think most of these people don't have any transportation or anything. So if they want to go to the hospital or doctor's appointment, things like that, they have an American friend who will drive them to that area. So I think that's a great program they have that I like.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Deka, how can people find out about the work you're doing with the city of Portland?

Deqa Dhalac:

Anybody can come to us. And we are at 190 Lancaster Street. I will give you all the information. And I think a lot of the refugees and immigrant population know where we are. And I think it's really very important for people to understand, at least to welcome these people in where they are and just think what story that person has. For example, one of my clients was tortured for a long period of time from his government. And one day, it was 4th of July, he heard the, the fireworks, so he thought it was guns and people are trying to kill him. So he jumped off his window and broke serious bones. So then we find out, we already know what to tell people what to, you know, ahead. But that was new to us. So now we talked to them and said, there is a fire on fourth of July. And you have to know that and don't jump anywhere. Nothing will happen to you. You're in a safe place. So it's a lot of things that we tell our clients. And I was looking into the, the well being part that you guys were doing and for people being happy to be. When I was in graduate school in New Hampshire, we had a case that my global health professor talked about. It was involved with the Sudanese family. They were in the refugee camps for so long in Uganda and they came to New Hampshire and so happy to be here. You know, ecstatic to be here. And they go through a lot of hard time in the refugee camps in their country and all that. And then when they come here, they were like, yes, you know, but the child end up dying for lead poisoning. Nobody told them about it. Nobody advised, you know, this is don't touch that and don't touch this. And they learned the hard way. So we try to teach people so many things, but it takes so long to do it. So we try our best to tell them a lot of different things that are happening, such as don't hit your children. When you come to this country, there's laws. The children will be taken away from you. Be like, what? How can somebody take my kid? Don't touch them. They will be so. It's so much learning to do.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

People who are listening. I encourage you to go to the City of Portland's website to find out more about the work that Decca is doing. Also, possibly look into Catholic Charities and be willing to hear people's stories. I'm certain that what you've talked about is true, that everybody has a story and there's something that we don't know about each person that we might meet.

Deqa Dhalac:

Yeah, everyone you see has his story.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

We've been speaking with Decca Dahlak, who is a human service counselor for the City of Portland's Social Services division and also the mother of three. She lives in South South Portland. It's really been a pleasure to speak with you today. Thank you so much.

Deqa Dhalac:

Oh, thank you so much for having me. I really appreciate you inviting me, and I'm honored.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

As a physician and small business owner, I rely on Marcy Booth from Booth, Maine, to help me with my own business and to help me live my own life fully. Here are a few thoughts from Marcy.

Virginia Dearani:

When was the last time you took a break from what you were doing? From the work that was piled up on your desk and just looked up? I know that during the course of my days, I often forget to take a moment or two to just breathe, look up at the sky, and dream. Terrible that I have to remind myself to breathe. But when I do, I feel energized. Because in those moments, I'm able to let go of the daily grind and think more about what I want to accomplish, how I want my business to grow. Sometimes those are the aha moments. If we all took a few moments out each day to stop what we are doing and dream a little about our business futures, not only would we feel a great sense of calm, but we may come to realize that these dreams can, in fact, come true. I'm Marci Booth. Let's talk about the changes you need. Need BoothMain.com

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

if you're listening to this show, you know that Love Maine Radio has a strong interest in education and we've spoken to many educators over the years and we love to hear more from them. Virginia Durrani is the founder and director of One Tree and the Roots and Fruits Program in South Portland. This is a preschool and childcare program serving children ages 3 to 5 in a thriving, rich environment filled with enthusiastic enthusiasm, creativity and spontaneity. The staff and children of Roots and Fruits are diverse in both social and economic culture and ethnicity, allowing the environment to emulate life outside the center. Thank you so much for coming in today.

Virginia Dearani:

You're welcome. Thanks for having me.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

And I know, of course, that it is school time as we're taping this. So this is a big, this is a big ask that we have made of you to come in here today. Yep, yep.

Virginia Dearani:

The kids were very curious as to where I was headed, so I always let them know when I need to leave during the day that I'm going to talk and teach with big people. Just like going to hang out and have fun and fill me in when I get back.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Well, I like that. And that's actually a part of what you do with One Tree. One Tree is an umbrella organization for all kinds of educational opportunities that are going on.

Virginia Dearani:

Yes, definitely. It really has started with the preschool of working with young children in doing, creating opportunities to talk around lots of real topics that they're experiencing based on their identities, race, class, religion, all sorts of things, and creating curriculum around it and being really spontaneous. And through that process, a lot of adults have been curious as to how do you have such topics and conversations with such young children. And that's where other programming has come kind of foster this umbrella organization to really provide adults, educators and professionals around tools to have such dialogue.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

So how did you become interested in education yourself?

Virginia Dearani:

My background was doing a lot of violence prevention or violence intervention. So I actually was doing a lot of advocacy, working within a lot of organizations and within schools looking at issues of family violence, dating violence, school violence, gang violence. I witnessed a lot for many years and my work always brought me into situations to think about ways to work with children who were bearing witness to this, if not directly, indirectly. And so through all of that work, it always was intervention. The money was always there for intervention. There was a lot of dialogue around prevention, but the focus and the resources never went in that direction. And so I kind of felt inspired when my position was cut in one of my formal jobs. And many people guided me to go back to school and say, how could I start a school, be really intentional where prevention would be happening? Because all of these experiences I was witnessing had root causes in issues of conflict around difference or, you know, oppression or so many topics that young children I felt like, you know, could use the opportunity to talk about or just create an environment where stuff just came up and provide families the opportunities and tools to talk about that. So I went back to school and thought around what does that look like? And studied early childhood and the daycare kind of preschool environment came out of it, mostly because it's a business and families need a daycare. So I actually was in the model of doing a public school, you know, pre public elementary school. But state of Maine at the time didn't allow for charter schools. And so I had to rethink because I did not want a private school. I didn't want to. I wanted to have it be as diverse economically as much as possible. And I knew I needed to. I wanted it public or went further down and decided to do a daycare because that was reaching as young as I could, but also a structured business that our country needed, you know, the area needed. So yeah, so I designed the preschool to start out and went from there.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

So where are you originally from?

Virginia Dearani:

Connecticut. Norwalk, Connecticut. And then my family moved. I have many. I have seven sisters and one brother, so was raised in a pretty tribal environment. And my family moved to New Hampshire right before high school. So I grew up in Connecticut many years and then was in New Hampshire for a few years before traveling around and landing in Portland.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Did you use the word tribal?

Virginia Dearani:

Yes. My dad is Arabic, Syrian, my mom is Irish. And so just that cultural and that village and that just family atmosphere was always present. I mean, you have nine siblings in one house. You can't not feel communal all the time and raise, you know, being in a bedroom with two other siblings, you know, so just that feeling of really has each other's back, even if it got icky and challenging at times, especially with eight women, it definitely always, for me, tribal is something that I really always felt because whether we were doing dishes or Doing laundry or, you know, watching some family show. We always will. Felt like it was just this family community atmosphere to it that I loved so.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Well, I like the word tribal. And the reason that I kind of caught upon it is I have nine brothers and sisters, although five of my family members are boys. So we didn't have quite the difference of balance that you have. But you're right, there is something that happens that's more than just a relationship between you and a sibling. It's when you get that big group of people together. There's a very different energy to all of that.

Virginia Dearani:

Yeah, there is. And I think I reflect back on it and that that's probably has been such my deep, like, motivation to probably what I do because, you know, I walk into what feels like a tribe every day. And it didn't start out that way. It started out with five kids and now I have 30 kids in the program, amongst other programs that can be happening in the summer. And I think, I don't even think I was realizing that I was trying to create what a lot of families didn't have that experience, at least in my, you know, it was. That was a new thing of being raised with so many, except for a lot of the diverse communities I work with, that is their frame of reference. You know, that's. Even if they only have a couple siblings, everyone's connected. It's very tribal. But for American based families, it's not as common. And so a lot of families at least say though, is that, wow, you're coming into what feels like a big Roots and Fruits family. And that's what I wanted it to feel like because there is something different than this one or two relationships.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

There must be something to the Roots and Fruits name.

Virginia Dearani:

There definitely is. Yep. The name came to me in a meditation when I was, you know, kind of the whole. The whole vision of it has come in the meditation and then little nuggets have come each day and that I had a special book that I would read each morning. And the day that I opened it up, the title was Roots and Fruits. And I knew immediately that was going to be the name of the school. What came to me was the whole mission a lot was really bringing families and helping them to learn about what their roots are and their children to learn what their roots are. Whether they literally landed here from another country days before or whether they've been here for many years and never thought about what their roots are. And then the fruits were what they were going to learn about the gifts they were going to have to offer to the world once they walked out of our building and moved on into wherever they headed. So throughout the journey that the children go on, most for two years in the families, they really start to come to know who they are, what roots look like, whether it's, you know, on ethnicity or however they define that in partnership with their families. And then we start to help to see who they are and what they are bringing out into the world. Whether it's through art or music or mathematics or whatever, whatever they thrive on, whatever their natural gifts are, we really help them to name their fruit and how each fruit is different and what they can do with that to help ideally make the world a better place. Because I'm very upfront with them around how the world needs lots of love and they all have that ability to be a peace ambassador. So I give them that language and that thought process at 3, 4 and 5 so that they know they have that skill set not with any pressure, but with an empowerment that they feel like, wow, I can do something at five years old. So, yep, so that's where the name comes from.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Having had three children that went through early childhood education, preschool, daycare, they're all much older now, but it was very, very important to me to have a high quality setting for them to exist in. And it wasn't for me just warehouse my kids until I get home from work at the end of the day. It's create this family space, this community, this enrichment. And I think that a lot of people are looking for that these days and it doesn't exist quite as easily as one might think.

Virginia Dearani:

No, it doesn't. I mean, and it's extremely difficult walk. It's extra extremely challenging. A lot of it is because for me, my biggest challenge every day is staying present. And because, you know, the beauty of the age we work with is they know what it means to be simple and present. And so to create a really thriving creative environment, you really need to be in partnership, I believe, and really with where they're at, but that then you have the other components of the business and just, you know, how as adults we go to all thinking of all these other things and it's so easy to lose presence, which I think ripples into then the way we are walking within, you know, daycares and stuff because we get caught up into the tasks of what we need to do and we lose the, for me, the wonder and the magic that immediately comes because of the ages that we're working with. So I think it's you know, a lot of my work right now has been going into programs here and giving them tools and training them around how to stay in that place of presence, how to meet the different needs that they are faced with, that can be overwhelming. And also how to honor a movement that's shifted where a lot of folks who have gone in have not had necessarily the educational background. There's no funding. It's such a lack of honoring when it comes to really resources. And so I think if a hard job, but the pay and you know, the gains I think of it are amazing from kids, but in terms of the day to day people being able to take care of themselves and me feeling good around what I pay my staff, it's not easy. And so I think you have a lot of turnover and people get burned out quicker. And so the value system on young children and early childhood education and everything from a larger system, systematic economic level is so unbalanced with what really the power of the work that's going on there and what we could do at that age. And I think that is a big impact as to why a lot of programs struggle or folks who want to do it don't do it. You know, a lot of variables come up.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

I'm thinking about the time that I spent as a coach, as a swimming instructor, as a camp counselor, you know, working directly with one on one with children. And you're absolutely right. There is a presence that is required, there's an energy that's required and it can be very intense. And I think it does require a certain, I don't want to say a certain type of person because we all have that capacity. But you really have to have a love of what you're doing in order to stay in it.

Virginia Dearani:

Yes, yep. And when I bring on teachers, you know, a lot of them, they'll come in with a different education. And I want that. You know, I'm nationally incredibly. And so I'm looking for folks who had a desire to go into the studies. But my always biggest thing is that when you're here, my biggest thing that I'm wanting to keep each other in check on me with you and vice versa. And all of us kind of have this place of staying present and what does that really mean? And we do meditation with the children and a lot of it is bringing in tools that we as adults are trying to practice while modeling with kids to stay in that despite the little things and all the things that are going on within the chaos that can go on. It's usually organized in joyful chaos. But the chaos can still throw all of us off center in one way or another. And so how do we be aware of that? How do we be real around it, but not let it overwhelm us in a way that we can kind of shut down and kind of spiral? But I don't think a lot of, in my experience and working with a lot of programs, I think that that's not on the forefront because they are mostly focused on and we have so much pressure now. Kids have to be reading and doing all these things before they go into kindergarten. So that value, what the values are now, I think have shifted and put pressure on in a way that impacts that presence piece. Not to say not to look at those pieces. But when it overshadows and people stop focusing on the those arenas, I think we can lose that magic of play and just imagination and creativity and all of those pieces that I think are critical as adults in our professions, even if it's not really clearly defined.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

I love the idea of roots because sometimes I wonder if we haven't become a little bit too homogenized in our world. And you know, my family has French and Catholic and a little bit of French Canadian, Indian and a little bit of English in there. And as a doctor I know that genetically there are things that happen as a result of having that kind of biological encoding. There's also patterning that happens within families and sometimes as you're kind of walking about in the world and you're being, I don't know, guided towards homogenization, it's Good to be reminded that, no, no, I have this other stuff that's inside of me. I came from somewhere, and this is just as strong as what's going on around me.

Virginia Dearani:

Yeah. Yes. And it's a bit, you know, especially for families who haven't, you know, I have a lot of families. I ask them to fill out a lot of paperwork. And one of the biggest questions that I always end up following up on some whose families who are coming from other countries or just. They have their. Even if they've been in this country, they're new Americans or they have that frame of reference of just understanding their roots and the importance. And they haven't necessarily been homogenized or kind of integrated in or assimilated into this culture, which we like to do. But the families who have been, you know, if I'll ask them what their ethnicity or race is, they'll immediately say white. And so I go immediately back and. And say, actually, white's not a race, it's a color. And so I really want to know what your roots are, what, you know, and sometimes it's the first time they've ever had the question. They never even knew how to answer the question. It's a powerful journey that the families. And I say, this is. I said, you pick whatever you feel called to do. You know, it could have been one meal. You grew up as a child that you were like, why do we eat, you know, you know, cornbread and whatever, you know, I said, and you might be like, I have so much in me. I don't know. Then just pick one. Because for me, it is that helping you and your family and your child to go on that journey, and you're not going to end it here. But at least it's the start of a dialogue that I feel like as they continue into school and they are around children of many different backgrounds, and we focus all on the commonalities within the differences. So it's a daily dialogue where we're constantly saying, well, so and so is from here and you're from here, and this is where it's the same, and this is where they're different. So we're constantly going back and forth where they really know what their root is and how it's different from this other person's root. But in the end, they're all connected underneath the Mother Earth, and we're all here to support each other. But that understanding that I'm from a different root, I think is really important because then they can understand how to start to plug in to the world and where they fit versus I'm just going with the flow and I'm just doing what I think I'm supposed to do. Well, this is what I really love to do. I feel what I'm really called to do. And I don't think you can start. I think you can start very young with messages like that. With children, you'd be amazed how much they know already, providing them the opportunity to kind of create the container for them to go there.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

It's not just roots and fruits that you're doing. You're the founder and director of One Tree. And so that means that you're providing education really throughout the spectrum of ages.

Virginia Dearani:

Yes.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Tell me what else you've been working on.

Virginia Dearani:

So we have. I've developed what's called a Seeds Institute, which is a training institute that really was from the community asking for, you know, how do you do this? How do you create a model of this kind of teaching with young children? Or how do you have a dialogue around race or gender or topics of identity with young children? Children, most folks think go there in middle school, but how do you really have that dialogue with a 3, 4 and 5? So the seeds Institute was a training institute of workshops that I co create, depending on the audience. I do some nonprofits. I have done some social, like criminal justice system work I've done, you know, because a lot of it's talking about how to build relationships across many people from many different situations and backgrounds. The other program is called Community Branches, which is really community programming. We. We do a summer peace and social justice camp with elementary school kids, taking a lot of the tools again of meditation and community issues and topics that are of relevance that the children want to talk about and then creating film and theater around it. And so that happens in the summertime and we partner and connect with Seeds of Peace international youth who come and work with all children. And we have an international dialogue on peace with kids from 3 all the way up through the ages. And then I do a middle school training institute for middle school youth to be counselors in training. You know, they're at that age where they're trying to figure out their identity in a different way. They can't be hired for jobs yet they would want to work with kids, some of them, or they want to like be babysitter. So it's that kind of that age of how do we empower them to be leaders and give them some tools? So I train them and then they come walk with me during the the summer with the kids as kind of a counselor and helping out with the other teachers and getting that practice as well as them going on their own identity journey. Because middle school is another big phase of that. Those are some of the other programs and sometimes some programs pop up for a couple weeks. A lot of it's leaving it up to the community. Since when Ferguson came up and all of these race piece issues of racism within our country have come up, I was asked by the community to lead compassion dialogues with children and families. So that's been kind of a once a month ongoing dialogue where families just come. We all meditate together as one big community. And then the children go off and do art around whatever comes up for them. And I sit with the families, the adults and just answer questions or talk about how do we talk about what's going on in the world and what does that look like and is it important too? And just whatever kind of pieces come up around social media issues. So that's. I kind of listen to what the community is wanting and needing and if it fits again with the mission that we're talking about, which is to have these dialogues starting with young and moving up through the ages, it might be that's the community branches that will kind of evolve.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

What are some of the issues that you've seen arise in, in response to the work that you've been doing? What are some of the questions, some of the conflicts, some of the boundaries?

Virginia Dearani:

And the biggest question and conflict that I think that I face or listen to is the conflict or the challenge of. You know, we want to talk about these topics, whether it's issues of racism or violence. But we want to keep our children innocent and we don't. So it's that balance of is it important? Do we go there? How do we go there? I work with children who are in it, so of course they're going to go there because they're experiencing it compared to those who just have not had to have that opportunity. And so I really believe you can still have a dialogue in a very simple way, in a very loving way, in a non feel place that still empowers all children to feel like they can move beyond or be leaders or be an ally to whoever that they meet as they move on into their school journeys. And I think the beauty of starting really young is the children keep it in a light place, talking about topics that are really hard and volatile, whether it's death or violence or whatever. You can keep it really simple. And they'll take, they'll take your Lead. And so a lot of it's the energy around what you carry and how you go there versus I don't want to go there. And I think the conflict that adults have is that we hold so much fear around it. So it's how do we do that that and not bring that into the dialogue? And so most adults, I think want to though intentions maybe want to, but it's almost like it's too much and we don't want to. So it's easier to say let's wait till they're older. In my experience, it ends up being more intervention versus a four year old. You can shift their mindset on something pretty quickly and they'll hold onto that for many years to come versus a 14 year old or even a 10 year old. So I think that's the biggest conflict that comes up.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

And what have you seen as a result of the work that you've done? Is there a way to know

Virginia Dearani:

at least families that I've worked with, parents who have said that they know the language we have given them at a young age, who are now in upper elementary and middle school, are using the same language and kind of absorbing their appeals in the same way with a lens of love. With a lens of that's just someone who had a rough day and made a bad choice and, you know, can turn it around versus holding them into this, you know, negative view that carries with them. So I think whether I have children who go to the dentist and meditate now before they have to get a filling, you know, and so parents are either sending me pictures of what kids are doing that they know, that they say we're not doing this at home. We know that they've learned it with being within your walls. From me and my teachers. It's not just me. That is how really we haven't done. I've been recommended to do more formal testing. In terms of assessing. I have kindergarten teachers who give me reflection around the social emotional development or just the tools and language the kids have when they enter into kindergarten in comparison. So I've gotten a lot of feedback which is a good reinforcement of staying doing what I'm doing. But we haven't done any formal assessments.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

How many years have you been doing this?

Virginia Dearani:

I started this 10 years ago, actually.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

That's very exciting.

Virginia Dearani:

2005. Yes. So it must be very gratifying to

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

have put a lot of yourself into something very important to have it bear fruit.

Virginia Dearani:

It is, yeah. I have to say, when I started out, it was a big question, but it's amazing how you can stick with something and trust if you build it, the people will come. And that's definitely been true in this situation. So it's definitely been community driven and I'm blessed to have the community we live here to be so supportive.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Is there a website that people can go to to find out about One Tree and Roots and Fruits?

Virginia Dearani:

Yep. So the website for One Tree is onetreecentral.org and then Roots and Fruits is rootsfruits.org and Roots and Fruits is also right onto the One Tree website.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

So we've been speaking with Virginia Durrani, who is the founder and director of One Tree and the Roots and Fruits program in South Portland. Thank you. Congratulations on 10 years. Thank you. And thank you for the wonderful work you're doing. I really appreciate you bringing this sort of energy and light into the world.

Virginia Dearani:

Thank you very much.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

You have been listening to Love Mean Radio show number 197, Roots of Humanity. Our guests have included Decca Dhalak and Virginia Durrani. For a preview of each week's show, sign up for our E newsletter and like our LoveMain Radio Facebook page. Follow me on Twitter as DRLISA and see my running travel, food and wellness photos as bountiful1 on Instagram. We love to hear from you, so please let us know what you think of lovemain Radio. We welcome your suggestions for future shows. Also let our sponsors know that you have heard about them here. We are privileged that they enable us to bring Love Maine Radio to you each week. This is Dr. Lisa Belisle. I hope that you have enjoyed our Roots of Humanity show. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your day. May you have a bountiful life.

Deqa Dhalac:

Sarah.