Wholehearted Living #126

Jeanne Handy:

The more we get these messages that our body is something to be ashamed of in our desires or something to be ashamed of, the more separate we become from our body. And we can't be separate. We're not separate. Our body is what we've been given to live this life in. And so rekindling that flame, that warm relationship is what I'm trying to do with folks. And I watch it happen.

Andrew Kull:

Through giving rise to this compassion, this caring, this kindness, you're actually connecting with your own Buddha nature, your own nature, this perfection that's within you, and we forget about our little mind for a second and can actually experience happiness. It's this tremendous gift that practicing compassion brings.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

This is Dr. Lisa Belisle and you are listening to the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour and podcast show number 126, Wholehearted Living, airing for the first time on Sunday, February 9, 2014. Today's guests include interior designer Jean Handy, founder of Gene Handy Interior Designs and also founder and lead instructor with Maine Belly Dance, and also Andrew Call, attorney with Middle Asin and Practicing Buddhist. February is the lovers month and a time to show our gratitude to those with whom our hearts have found connection. Equally important is to reconnect with our own hearts and show love to the selves that we are. Today we speak with Jean Handy and Andrew Cull, both of whom have found joy and peace in living wholeheartedly. We hope that you are inspired by their stories. Thank you for joining us. In Maine, we know that people often have more than one life. Shall we say, it's not just personal and professional, but even sometimes two different professional lives. What I really enjoy is meeting people whose two different professional lives seem simultaneously very far apart and also strangely connected to one another. And this individual that I'm speaking with today is an example of that. Today I have Jean Handy, founder of Jean Handy Designs and also a Middle Eastern dance instructor in. In the studio with me. Thanks for coming in.

Jeanne Handy:

Thanks for having me. I'm happy to be here.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Jean. It is now 2014. We're in a new year, and we thought it would be kind of interesting to talk to you about this. Well, both of what you do, the fact that you made this decision in your life at some point to kind of focus on these two very interesting and seemingly separate things, tell us first how you came to that place. And also you did something different before you even became a designer.

Jeanne Handy:

I did. I did. Before I was in interior design, I was actually in social services, in women's services, particularly anti violence. I worked for a rape crisis center and a domestic violence center in advocacy and volunteer coordination. And, you know, coming out of college, that's where I thought my passion was. And my passion was with sort of advocating for women and lifting women. But that field proved to be too challenging for me in the sense of leaving it for the day. It was hard for me to do that. And I would found myself wrapped up in it all the time. Angry, sad, things like that. And I thought, yep, this isn't for me. This isn't what I'm gonna do. This isn't the way I'm gonna do this. And so. And that was early. I was still in my early 20s and decided I didn't know what I was gonna do next. So I just kind of went into some transition things and waited and wondered and thought, and. And that's when I moved to Portland in the early 90s and thought, well, I'm here. I'm going to finally learn how to Middle Eastern dance professionally. So I grew up with this. It's my heritage. I'm Lebanese. And because I moved here at the time, there was not a big community in the Portland area, whereas I left a very big Arabic community in the Boston area. So I missed that. And I was looking for a way to stay sort of reconnect and stay connected with my heritage. So I remember talking to my mother and saying, I'm going to find a belly dance teacher. And she said, in Maine? I said, yes, I'm going to. And I did. I found a great teacher and started studying it professionally as opposed to just a social dance. And it occurred to me as I got more and more into the dance, that this was the way that I was going to continue to lift women. Because Middle Eastern belly dance, in its really true form, its classic form, is all about honoring the feminine and honoring your body and the power of your body. Birthing in Particular, but not only birthing just everything that we have, the center of creativity, being in the center of our body and our root power, coming from there, and just being aware of it, and truly living this life through your body, through your senses, and sort of taking that gift and celebrating it, having fun with it. So I thought, there, now I can do what I found my goal to be and also stay connected to my heritage, which at the time was very important to me. And design came soon after that. And I really think it was because finding that opened me up to what else I really wanted to do, which is that other piece of creativity for me. And, you know, it really was fate. I again found another amazing teacher. My sister heard of a job opportunity which was actually in office management with an amazing interior designer, Christine Macklin. And she said to me, I know you're so interested in design. And my husband and I had bought old properties that were decrepit, and we did what we needed to do to bring them back. Did a lot of research on their history, their period, all of that kind of thing. And I was so inspired by that. She said, and you too, would probably be a really nice fit, and you should talk to her. And so I called her and asked her if I could interview for her position. And she interviewed me. And I was really honest, and I said, I can do what you need done, but what I really want is to learn your business. And she said, you know, I've been doing this for. I think at the time, it was like 25 years, and I have never taught anyone, and I would like to do that. And she was an amazing teacher. And so we arranged for an apprenticeship, and I apprenticed with her for three years, and it was fantastic. I still. The philosophy she taught me about design is still a big part of my philosophy in design. And I learned so much from her. So I feel like things, if you go with the flow, you're usually going in the right direction, right? And that's how I got into the field, and that's how I. And I just sort of made a decision that I wasn't going to allow myself to be defined by one thing, so. So I'm gonna let myself do both of these things. And it took me a while to get to a place where I felt

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

like

Jeanne Handy:

I'm not going to hide one thing for the other. And what I found was the client I attract in the design business is the client that thinks it's really cool

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

that I do this other thing.

Jeanne Handy:

And that's important because for me, good Design is knowing your client as a whole person. It's not just their aesthetic. It's who they are, how they live, what's important to them.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

It's interesting to think about belly dance and Middle Eastern dance, and I want to make sure I'm using the right terms here. Middle Eastern dance, yeah.

Jeanne Handy:

I'm not offended by belly dance. Some people are, but it really is because the focus is in your belly, but you do use your whole body.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Okay, well, Middle Eastern dance, I will call it, because I don't want to offend anybody. It's interesting to think about that and the idea that we're going to sort of promote the joy of living within our bodies and existing within our bodies, and also the simultaneous recognition that things have been going on politically in the Middle east, which have been kind of the opposite of that. Instead of promoting the joy of having the feminine form, it's really all about kind of shrouding the feminine form. And I'm not speaking specifically to Lebanon, but I think that it's been pretty widely recognized that it's. We're going somewhere else with that. How does that felt to you to see what's going on just in general?

Jeanne Handy:

Yeah, it's a very good point, and it's brought up a lot. But I will say this. The women, Most of the women who you see shrouded are very aware of their bodies, and I would say even more so than most Western women. They're aware of the power of their bodies. They're aware of sensuality and sexuality and all of the beautiful things that can come with it. The difference is they keep it among women. They still honor the different things that happen in women's lives and women's bodies, which I think we don't do here in terms of honoring when you start your menstrual cycle, honoring when you age or when you have a baby or any of those things, they still do that. And I'll also say that, you know, not all Middle Eastern people are of the same religion, obviously. And so the dance crosses all the religions now in the public eye. And in some of those countries, like in Egypt, for example, you need to. You aren't allowed to show your belly even as a belly dance performer. But showing your belly came from the west historically. Middle Eastern dance performers didn't start bearing their midriff until sort of Orientalism. You know, when it was introduced into this country and in Europe, people. It was introduced in a way that was really misunderstood about what the dance was really about. And so tourists began to Expect a certain thing when they went to the Middle east and saw performers. And the answer was, okay, so this costume that bears your midriff and gets the more and more, and they are very revealing now came from here as opposed to came from there. So you'll find, like in historic pictures of dancers, they're in full dresses, fully covered, because it's not so much about baring your skin as it is about the movement itself.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

So, yeah, that's an interesting point that you bring up, that even though what we may see. Well, two interesting points. One, that not all Middle Eastern countries are the same. And so there are different differences in how women dress and differences in how women dance. And so that's important to remember. And differences in religion, obviously. But then also that just because we may see that women are now oftentimes asked to cover themselves, that they still maintain this really important identity that we don't see. And it doesn't mean that they've been forced sort of underground. It just means that we don't have the same access to it that other people might.

Jeanne Handy:

And I would say that some of it is forced underground, though I'm speaking secondhand, though I can't say that I've had firsthand experience of that. But I would say that some of the reason it is hidden is because it's been forced to have been hidden. And it is an oppression of women. And just like trying to refuse women education, trying to refuse them the ability to honor their body is another way of holding power over rather than sharing power.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

So it's complicated.

Jeanne Handy:

It is very complicated. It really is.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Here on the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour and podcast, we've long recognized the link between health and wealth. Here to speak more on the topic is Tom shepherd of Shepherd Financial.

Andrew Kull:

The older I get, the more I realize that when I focus my energy on staying in the moment, I feel energized and alive. Not because I live such an exciting life, but because I'm completely engaged in what I'm doing and not distracted by the past or worrying about the future. Remember, like when you were a kid. But staying in the moment is a lot harder than it sounds. It takes discipline and focus and above all, patience. You need to give yourself time. Time to learn a new behavior, time to wait for experience, time to add value without expecting more. And when you do, the payback is incredible. Same thing can be said for how you look at your financial life. Instead of worrying about past mistakes or fretting about what will happen tomorrow, think about how you relate to your finances. In the here and now. When you do, you'll feel more connected and take a step toward developing a very healthy relationship with your money. To learn more, give us a call at 847-4032 and I'll help you evolve with your money.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

So as far as your helping women to lift themselves up, to really celebrate themselves and their bodies, you yourself are a teacher. You also are a practitioner, I guess a professional in the field. But you teach this what type of women are you finding come to you to learn this type of dance?

Jeanne Handy:

All different types. It continually amazes me who shows up for class from the range in age, which is my students over the years have been young girls to I think my oldest student was probably 80 or 81 and she came to it, I'd say, when she was about 76. And so everybody's reason is different because where they are in their life is different. So, you know, that's kind of a given. But I think most people are getting to a point and I hear more than anything is I want to reconnect with my body or I want to, you know, acknowledge my pelvis. Because in this culture we really are we the way we are trained to walk and carry ourselves, it's very tight and held and we aren't used to settling into our body and just letting you know, if we left our hips alone, if we didn't tell them what to do, they would switch. It's how we're built. You know this they would sway, it's comfortable, but we stop it. And so it's mostly people who are wanting to reconnect with their body or either have a new relationship or a better relationship with their body. Whereas with the younger girls who aren't so crushed yet by that, they are more. They just, they see it and it looks really fun and it's, you know, what they see on tv, it is really fun. It's flirty and it's sparkly and it's, you know, it's fun. And flirting is fun and there's nothing wrong with it. When you're doing it in your power, if you're doing it and you're objectifying yourself, well, that's a shame. But if you're doing it because you first are flirting with yourself, then that's great. And beautiful things come from flirting. We all came from flirting.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

So how do you think that people this raises. I want to ask you so many different questions about this because I have two daughters myself. I have a 17 year old and a 12 year old. I have a, a 20 year old son. How do we get from this place of being a younger, flirtier, sparklier girl to the place where we're holding ourselves so tightly? I mean, I've delivered so many babies and tried to have women sort of rest into their pelvis and let the baby just come the way it's going to. But there is this holding that happens and I see it while delivering babies even. How do we get from point A to point B? What happens to us?

Jeanne Handy:

I think that is a, there's so many sides to that answer and there's so many influences that I feel make us separate ourselves from our body. And I think religion has a lot, a lot, not all religions, but a lot of religions put shame on the body and on women in particular, but on the body in general, men as well, not just women. I think the media, which is money based, trying to. It's like I think it was on that Colbert Report when he said if we tell girls they're okay, how will we sell them things they don't need? I think that's a big piece of it too. So I think that's what happens. The more we get these messages that, that our body is something to be ashamed of and our desires are something to be ashamed of. The more separate we become from our body and we can't be separate, we're not separate. Our body is what we've been given to live this life in. And so sort of just rekindling that flame, sort of that warm relationship is what I'm trying to do. With folks. And I do. I watch it happen. It's amazing to me, their posture changes, and I don't. It's not just a physical thing. It's how they carry themselves from the beginning of class to the end of class. It's different. They walk out differently than when they walked in. And then I think after a while, it becomes habit to carry yourself this way. And also just a discomfort. I do believe that the younger girls I'm seeing are different now than they were 15 years ago. And I think their relationship with their body is better than ours was at their age. And I think that has to do with where we are as adult women, what they're learning from us. I hope that they're not hearing the shame that we may have heard. And I'm not blaming our moms. They were a product of what they were fed. And so. And I don't mean food. I mean messages they were given. Well, probably food as well, sometimes. But I just. I do imagine, what would it be like if we celebrated when girls started to menstruate. What if that was the norm? Instead of. Instead of going, okay, this is what you have to do, like, it's a medical emergency or something like that. What would it be like if we acknowledge that birth was a totally natural thing that people have been doing for. And animals and everything for eons, and yet we're still here. Again, it's not a. It can be, but naturally, it's not a medical emergency or an illness. Pregnancy is not an illness, and we treat it like it's an illness. And so I think those messages, as subtle as they are, is what makes us go from feeling like, I want to be, this looks fun, and this looks to feeling ashamed or walking small.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

So it's 2014, and obviously women who are listening, actually, men and women who are listening can benefit from having heard your story about going from being in the social services field to becoming a Middle Eastern dance instructor, to simultaneously working, becoming an interior designer. So they can look to you as somebody who is brave enough to just be open and follow your path. But what other things can you suggest to people who are really thinking, you know, I really need to reconnect with myself. I really need to reconnect with my body and my life and my passions. What would you say to these people who are listening right now?

Jeanne Handy:

Listen to your heart. Remove should from your vocabulary. Ask yourself, do you want to? So when you're committing to something, do you want to? Not, Are you good at it? Is it easy for you? Do you want to. I never understand when people say, oh, I wish I was in college again, or I wish I wasn't, because for me, life gets better and better. And so I will say I've continued this kind of sort of transforming path. And in the past few years, I started meditating. And that is amazing to me as a way to get back. To get back in touch with your heart. And you said it earlier, we've become so heady, and part of the balance is getting back to our hearts as well. So if you can get to a quiet place, however you do it, and really listen to your heart, what is your heart telling you to do? And also going with the flow. So not fighting things so much. If things present themselves, step into it. You can't wait for it to happen. So going with the flow isn't sitting back and waiting. Going with the flow is saying yes, when something puts itself in front of you. Why not? That's my favorite question. Why not? And I can usually not come up with a good reason when I say, why not?

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Jean, how can people find out about the work you're doing as a designer with Jean Handy Designs, or as an instructor of Middle Eastern dance?

Jeanne Handy:

I have a website which is just jeanhandydesigns.com and. And people can reach me through that website and they can see some of my work through that website. And I have a website, mainbellydance.com and people can reach me through there as well. And I'm always happy to talk about either thing because they're both important. And as you said, they seem unrelated, but for me, they're not. For me, one is taking care of your soul space, so your body, you know, and one is taking care of your body space, which is your home. And they're both important. You know, it took me a long time actually to want. I never. This is a. I'm revealing something here, but I never wanted to say I was an interior designer. I would always say I have an interior design business, but I wouldn't say I'm an interior designer because for a period I thought, oh, it sounds so superficial. And I didn't want that. And then I realized a few years ago, it's not superficial at all. It's really important. Having a space that lets you or lets me be the best that I can be is important. And so it was really an interesting thing. It took me a while to do that. So here I was doing this thing that I loved, and I was almost more embarrassed about that than I was about the thing that most people would think I would be hush hush about, but no more.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

So yeah, I think a lot of people are going to be able to relate to that story. So I think there's interesting we all carry around some interesting senses of shame about very strange things that when we look at it, in hindsight, we think, I don't know why that ever happened. That's right. So I'm glad you I'm glad you shared that story and I'm glad that you came in and talked to us today. I'm glad also that you're helping women to kind of sink back into their bodies through modern, through Middle Eastern dance and to, I guess, relate more fully with their homes through the interior design work you do. We've been speaking with Jean Handy, the founder of Jean Handy Designs and Middle Eastern dance instructor. Thank you for being with us.

Jeanne Handy:

Thank you very much for having me.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

As a physician and small business owner, I rely on Marcie Booth from Booth, Maine to help me with my own business and to help me live my own life fully. Here are a few thoughts from Marcy when was the last time you took a break from what you were doing, from the work that was piled up on your desk and just looked up? I know that during the course of my days, I often forget to take a moment or two to just breathe, look up at the sky and dream. Terrible that I have to remind myself to breathe. But when I do, I feel energized because in those moments, I'm able to let go of the daily grind and think more about what I want to accomplish, how I want my business to grow. Sometimes those are the aha moments. If we all took a few moments out each day to stop what we were doing and dream a little about our business futures, not only would we feel a great sense of calm, but we may come to realize that these dreams can, in fact, come true. I'm Marcie Booth. Let's talk about the changes you need. Boothmaine.com

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

i've had the good fortune to know many lawyers in my life and I was intrigued to learn about a lawyer who practices locally, who is also a Buddhist and a Buddhist lawyer, something I had never really thought about and definitely never met before. So I thought we should bring this guy on the show because I'm intrigued by Buddhism as well. So today to talk being Buddhist and also being a lawyer is Andrew Cull, who is an attorney with Middle Eason right here in Portland. Thanks for coming in and being with us today.

Andrew Kull:

Thank you, Dr. Lisa. I'm happy to be here.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

This is our show that's airing the week of Valentine's Day. And we think about connecting with each other and Valentine's Day as being this time where we give our loved ones hearts and candy hearts and flowers and chocolates. But really the way that I think about love is first connecting with oneself. And I believe that this is part of what you were doing when you were exploring Buddhism.

Andrew Kull:

Yeah, absolutely. I think the principal tenet of Buddhism as I understand it, and I'm no great emissary of Buddhism, but I can give you my perspective what I've come to understand, the little bit I've come to understand over the years of practicing. But the difference that I see with Buddhism is that there's this idea of a fundamental perfection that we have as human beings. So the idea is that within ourselves, within the very core of our being is what they call Buddha nature. We have this absolute perfection that's inherently ours that can't be ever changed or stained or messed up, no matter what we've done. So the whole practice of Buddhism and the path of Buddhism is about letting everything else go. All of the confusion that we have on a day to day basis, and I know I have plenty of it, but the idea is that if we can simply let that go and we can simply be, then this love, compassion, kindness and joy that we have at the very core of our being can begin to shine through. And so it's all about coming Home to ourselves and bringing our mind home.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

You had a circuitous path to Buddhism, which you've been practicing for how many years now?

Andrew Kull:

I've been a student of Buddhism since 1999, so 14 years.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

So 14 years prior to that. It wasn't inherently obvious that this was something that you would do. How did you come to that place?

Andrew Kull:

Well, I have Catholic roots going back on both sides of my family. I think my parents decided at a relatively early age they didn't want to inflict a Catholic upbringing on me. But nonetheless, I made a first communion, and I have a foundation in. In Catholicism. And then in my early 20s, I began to explore spirituality. And I had an experience where I saw that I just didn't have any control whatsoever over my mind. I wanted to be able to sit still and just be. And my mind was all over the place. And I was really surprised. I think. I think it's probably something that I'd always had this monkey mind. And we all have it. I still have it, but I'd never seen it before. And so I had an experience where I was able to see, just for a moment, how absolutely nuts I was in so many ways that I decided that I wanted to learn to meditate. And that's how I came to Buddhism. I took a meditation class, and it really spoke to me. It really made sense. So one of the strengths of the Buddhist lineages, and there's many different Buddhist lineages available to us, is one of the great strengths is the availability of these teachings. And they're. There's these teachings about how to place our mind and how to connect with this fundamental nature, this Buddha nature that we have.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

As part of my acupuncture training, I studied five element or five phases theory, and there's a very strong Taoist component in that and in qigong, which I also have studied and practiced. But I have simultaneously been very interested in Buddhism. And I know that there's been a rise in interest in both Taoism and Buddhism in the United States and really around the world. Have you seen this? And why do you think this might be so?

Andrew Kull:

I have seen it. I know what you're talking about. I think that the times we live in are so crazy. It's not so much that they're crazy. The way I think about it, sometimes in Buddhism, there's this concept of past lives we've lived many times, and that this one life is just one of many. And I don't know. I can't remember any past lives. I. I have no idea. But Sometimes when I think about it, I think it's like this life right now. There's so much experience, so much depth of experience that we have. It's almost like I've lived, I don't know, however many dozens of lives just in this one life. If you think about how it used to be in the old days, maybe you were born, let's say you were born in Portland, Maine, for example, 200 years ago. You might not go. You know, if you went to Boston, it might be the trip of a lifetime, you know, and then maybe there were people that would travel around more, but your experience was so much more limited. And now we have so much more experience, and there's so much more going on, and there's so much more input. We need something to make sense of it, to help us come back. And really be and understand a little bit about what this life is about and how to be a good person and how to be happy. I think, fundamentally for myself, we all want to be happy, and my parents are wonderful, but they didn't teach me. They taught me the best they can, and I think they did a great job. But some of these fundamental tools about where the source of happiness is and how to, you know, how to find that and sort of mine that out of my own being, I've had to look elsewhere. And so looking into these teachings and looking to have a practice that I can do on a regular basis, a meditation practice is really crucial for me. And I think it's crucial for a lot of us in this time where there's so much input and so much confusion. You know, our society teaches us to look for happiness outside. You know, if you get this car, if you get this makeover, if you do these things, if you get this job, then it'll help bring happiness. Whereas fundamentally, the Buddhist teachings say, well, you know, granted that external circumstances do contribute to happiness and suffering to a certain degree. I mean, we need to have food, we need to have shelter, we need to have clothing. But fundamentally, happiness depends upon the mind and how we perceive the world. And that's something we have control over, which is. Which is a revolutionary insight. And so if we have. For me, that's not something I was taught as a kid, and that's something that I've begun to learn since I've gone on the spiritual journey and a spiritual path, and it's something I forget all the time. So I need a practice. I need a way. And I think this is, you know, to get back to your question, which is, why has there been this rise in spiritual practice and spiritual teachings and this interest in the modern age? We really need it. There's just so much that's demanding our attention externally to be able to have a way to turn our mind just a little bit inward and strengthen that turning of the mind. It's really crucial.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

As you've been talking, I've been thinking about how this parallels with what I know of Catholicism also, having been raised Catholic and the aspects of Catholicism and the practice of Catholicism that I found the most powerful and they were the times of contemplation, they were the times of prayer, maybe even repetitive prayer throughout the Rosary. For me, the power of song was always important and then the power of community, which I know is also very important in Buddhism. And the whole idea of Sangha, this is something that you've experienced yourself as you've learned more about Buddhism.

Andrew Kull:

Yes, and I agree with you. I'm a student of Tibetan Buddhism and the Tibetan tradition has an incredible richness and, and some people have joked that Tibetan Buddhism is like the Catholicism of Buddhism because there's this in depth ritual that's involved and this sort of expanse of Buddhist practice is very broad and it fundamentally can be incredibly simple to this incredible richness of ritual. Yes, I agree with you that the, I see the parallel too from the, with the Catholic tradition that fundamentally I don't think there's any difference whatsoever. The experience of God through prayer. You know, in the Buddhist tradition I've heard it said that it's, you know, Buddhists don't believe in God as some sort of external whatever, you know, being that's somehow different from us. But Buddhists don't deny the nature of God, you know, so when you're in a, where the rubber hits the road in any contemplative tradition is in your own experience. And that's what Buddhism is about. It's about where the rubber hits the road. And our experience as human beings is in our mind. Life, death, everything all occurs within our mind. I mean, we can look outside, but nonetheless it's our experience, that's what we have to work with. And so when you're, you know, practicing through a prayer, it's your experience, you know, if you have an experience, a religious experience or whatever experience of God, it's your experience, you know, and that connection is something that's fundamentally yours. I don't think that changes. I think that's a universal experience that we have, that's, that's available to us, that's within us, within our experience.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

The goal of the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour is to help make connections between the health of the individual and the health of the community. The goal of Ted Carter Inspired Landscapes is to deepen our appreciation for the natural world. Here to speak with us today is Ted Carter.

Andrew Kull:

Some mornings I lie in bed exhausted, thinking, wow, did I really sign up for all this? I think we've all sort of been there where life just is a struggle sometimes, and it's long, it's hard, it's arduous. But I also think that that's how the human spirit is tested. And I think that sometimes when we're pushed up against a wall, that's when our best forms of creation come out. And in looking back at the most difficult projects I've been on, something came out of those projects that wouldn't have otherwise come out if it wasn't. If it was easy, I guess you might say. And I think in reflecting back on life in general, we look at life and we say, you know, those were really difficult times, but I got through it and I got to the other side and I was able to create something that was really meaningful and it even has greater meaning and depth because of the struggle. So I guess we have to say in life, we have to bless our struggles and bless the journey and make the most of everything we have and be grateful for it. I'm Ted Carter, and if you'd like to contact me, I can be reached@tedcarterdesign.com

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour and podcast understands the importance of the health of the body, mind and spirit. Here to talk about the health of the body is Travis Boullyer of Premier Sports, a division of Black Bear Medical.

Andrew Kull:

Wholehearted living means doing all those adult things with the energy and enthusiasm of a child. Purely devoted and passionate. But this can be difficult when you live in pain. Come visit our pain management department at Black Bear Medical. We can get you back to being you with hot and cold therapy products, massage equipment, and a revolutionary product called the Laser Touch One. The Laser Touch one is a breakthrough pain relief device which clinical studies show is 93% effective in decreasing pain. It's a safe alternative to surgery and medication, easy to use, available without a prescription and cleared by the fda. Come into one of our stores in Portland or Bangor for a free demonstration and see why it's changing lives. Let Black Bear Medical help you get back the energy and enthusiasm to live wholeheartedly. Visit blackbearmedical.com for more

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

one of the things that I've had difficulty myself with certain religions and I think maybe it's possible that all religions there is this, is that there is an interpretation of whatever it is scripture that's applied to everyday life. And then there's a judgment that takes place and there's sort of a pushing out and there's an us and a them and there's a good and a bad. And that I found bothersome because sometimes it marginalizes people who have gone through difficult times. I'm not talking about people who have murdered people. Obviously that's not a good thing. I just think there's so many shades of gray in life that to say that somebody's evil because they've been divorced, I just think that that's. Or somebody's evil because they've broken one of the commandments and yet there might be extenuating circumstances. I just have difficulty, I have difficulty with that, that sense that it's okay for us to judge other people. I think ultimately aren't you trying to, aren't we all trying to just connect enough so that we, we are able to be compassionate no matter what we see with other people who are walking around in the world with us?

Andrew Kull:

Yes. There's a couple things in your question

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

that I know it's a convoluted question. I think a lot about this. So I think you and I could have lots of conversation about this for a very long time.

Andrew Kull:

There's one thing that I think is important, which is distinction with Buddhism and it has to do with good and bad. I think in the Judeo Christian concept there's this idea that there is some good out there, some evil, that they somehow exist. In Buddhism we don't have a separately existing concept of good and evil. What you have are actions and something is good if it tends to create happiness or alleviate suffering. And the world, something is negative if it creates suffering. And then you have your sort of neutral actions, you know, like drinking a cup of coffee or whatever it is that don't really create suffering or happiness, although it may create happiness if it's really good coffee or it may create

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Negativity if you can't get it tomorrow and you're addicted to coffee.

Andrew Kull:

But that's. That's right. But so that this. This concept, though, of this idea that there is no fundamental good and evil, but yet there is this idea of karma, meaning cause and effect, that everything we do has an effect in the world. We either are creating happiness and alleviating suffering, or we are causing suffering both for ourselves and for others. And so what's the. You know, how do we know whether an act is positive or negative? And the teachings talk about our motivation, and in Tibetan, they call it kun

Andrew Kull:

which means that which gives rise to everything. And that's your motivation? What gives rise to everything? So in the scriptures, it says, we are what we think. All that we are rises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world. If we speak or act with pure mind, then happiness follows. And so it's this idea of knowing where we're coming from. A lot of times we really don't know where we're coming from. We don't know why we're doing things. We're not clear about it. And we get kind of muddled up in all these different motivations. And so if we take a proactive approach and we try to look critically at why we're doing something and what we're doing, it can really help. And the great thing about the Buddhist tradition is that we take into account the. The fact that we're not perfect and we're in a difficult spot as human beings, that we have this suffering that we're always experiencing because we're fundamentally confused, we're fundamentally perfect. But on a relative level, as we go through life, we're pretty confused, which is why we always have this difficulty, this suffering, this imperfection, this. And so this idea of trying to look within ourselves and understand why we're doing something and try to generate a bigger mind. We're always caught in this little mindset of wanting this or wanting that and wanting ourselves to be happy. But it said, when we can open up this mindset and look at others and see them as another you or another me that also suffers, that also has difficulty, and to have this little bit of compassion and connection with that person and try to help. His Holiness, the Dalai Lama says he's one of the great masters of compassion in the world today. And, you know, he's an incredible inspiration to me because I think about, you know, somebody who's seen his country just completely decimated and has seen just tremendous devastation and desolation. And yet is one of the most positive, happiest people on the planet. You know, he says, the practice of compassion, you know, this practice of wishing others to be free of suffering and caring, actually caring about other people like ourselves, you know, it's like, well, he says, I don't know how much it actually helps them. You know, it might. But the 100% beneficiary of compassion is you. Because through giving rise to this compassion, this caring, this kindness, you're actually connecting with your own Buddha nature, your own nature, this perfection that's within you, and we forget about our little mind for a second and can actually experience happiness. It's this tremendous gift that practicing compassion brings. But the whole point, point is integrating into our everyday life. So we practice with our eyes open. And there's a reason why we call it practice, spiritual practice. Because, you know, sitting on your cushion, yes, you can practice and you can, you know, you can say mantras, you can say your rosary, you can make prayers, you can do all these things. But the whole point is so that when you get up and you enter into your everyday life, you can have this sense of space and this sense of spiritual connection in a way that you can sow positivity in the world, and you can do things like not react when difficult circumstances arise. And one of the practices in the practices of the Bodhisattva perfections, one of the practices is the practice of patience. And there's this incredible wealth of patience that is inherent within us. Yet we have this idea that patience means you have to be some sort of spiritual superman or whatever to have patience in this, in this day and age. But what's really interesting is that sometimes patience in practice is just a split second, you know, just giving a little bit of extra space to not react or to not jump to that conclusion, you know, but to give a circumstance, whatever it is that you're facing when you see somebody having a difficult time or when you encounter a situation that's. That's difficult in your life or in your professional career to not jump to that conclusion. Just have this little instant to take a breath and just look and use your mind, use your awareness to assess the situation. And then you can sometimes come from this place of understanding, a place of. Of kindness, a place of compassion, and let that nature, this Buddha nature that we've been talking about, just shine through just a little bit. And it's amazing how subtle that is. But that's what having a regular practice and being able to learn and hear the spiritual teachings of Whatever. We have this tremendous wealth of spiritual teachings available to us today. You know, whether it's Buddhism or whether it's, you know, in some other tradition, Taoist tradition or Hindu or, you know, any of the great living spiritual traditions, you know, fundamentally teaching us the same thing. And so the point of practicing any of them is to give us this, you know, fortify us, you know, give us some, some tools to go out into the everyday world and be a good person, you know, and be happy at the same time, you know, enjoy being alive. This incredible gift that we have as life, you know, which is life and be a human being and be alive in this day and age is really a wonderful thing. But it doesn't always feel that way. Sometimes it can be quite a burden and, and you know, how to make sense of that, how to, you know, how to, how to mine that wellness out of this, you know, this being that we're born with, it's not easy to do.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

Well, I appreciate the work that you've done on your own life, your own following the path that you followed and you're sharing it with us today. I think it's something that people will be very. I think it'd be thought provoking for people who are listening. We've been speaking with Andrew Cull, who is practicing Buddhist and also an attorney with Middle Eastern here in Portland. Thanks for coming in today, Andy, and sharing your story.

Andrew Kull:

Thank you very much, Dr. Lisa. And I want to wish you and all of your listeners a happy Valentine's Day as well.

Dr. Lisa Belisle:

You have been listening to the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour and podcast show number 126, Wholehearted Living. Our guests have included Gene Handy and Andrew Cull. For more information on our guests and extended interviews, visit drlisabelisle.com the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour and Podcast is downloadable for free on itunes. For a preview of each week's show, sign up for our e newsletter and like our Dr. Lisa Facebook page. Follow me on Twitter and Pinterest and read my take on health and well being on the Bountiful blog. We love to hear from you, so please let us know what you think of the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour. We welcome your suggestions for future shows. Also let our sponsors know that you have heard about them here. We are privileged that they enable us to bring the Dr. Lisa Radio Hour to you each week. This is Dr. Lisa Belisle. I hope that you have enjoyed our wholehearted living show. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your day. May you have a bountiful life.